lola merhaba, biraz tavsiyeye ihtiyacım var lütfen, erkek arkadaşımla bir yıllık ilişkim var, bayan dönemlerimde olmalıydım ama 2 hafta geciktim, bir sürü test yaptım ve aldım hepsi olumsuz. ortaya çıktım. Ben ve eşim, çıktığımdan beri 2-3 haftadır cinsel ilişkiye girmedik ve ben mi yoksa sadece o mu bilmiyorum. Sevdiğin biri seni her gün sevdiğini söylediğinde, ihtiyacım olan kucaklamaları ve öpücükleri aldığımda ilgisini kaybedip kaybetmediğini nasıl anlarsın? Ben gerçekten anlamıyorum. Kaçırılan dönem onu ​​korkutmayı düşünmüştüm ama onunla konuştuğumda iyi görünüyordu, eğer hamile kaldıysam, gerçekten bazı ipuçlarına ve ipuçlarına ihtiyacım vardı çünkü fazla düşündüğümü hissediyorum. Normalde her zaman yaptığımız gibi 3 hafta seks yapmamak normal mi? Hiçbir şey saklamadığı halde aldattığını düşünüyor musun, aklımda bir sürü şey var ama hiçbir şeyi tam olarak belirleyemiyorum. lütfen biraz yardım edin partnerimin neden benimle yatmadığını anlamama yardım edin :( 28 Ağustos 2020, 3:13 kimberley morrison merhaba 10 aydır erkek arkadaşımla çıkıyorum şimdi ve 6 haftadır seks yapmadık.Şu anda erkek arkadaşımla ne yapıyor bilmiyorum ama başlangıçta her yerimdeydi ve bana geçen hafta işleri yavaşlatmak istediğini söyledi! ben o kadar kafası karışmış bir an mutlu ve çok eğlencelidir ve sonra karamsar ve mesafelidir.Her zaman hastalanır da sırtı ağrır ve başı da ağrır. Onu seviyorum ama ona getirmek istemiyorum neden artık seks yapmıyoruz çünkü muhtemelen benimle düşecek ve kavga etmeye başlıyoruz.Ayrıca asla yalnız vakit geçirmiyoruz o her zaman dışarı çıkmak istiyor, bu yüzden çoğu zaman gerçekten sevilmez hissediyorum ve hoşlanmıyormuş gibi hissediyorum artık ben. ne yapabilirim? 16 mart 2019, 09:59 jas yardım !!! öncesinden bir buçuk yıldır erkek arkadaşımla birlikteydim çok seks yaptıktan sonra ayda bir onu seviyorum o çok ve bir gün bana penisinin yukarı çıkmayacağını söylediği bir konuşma yaptık çünkü sevdiği vücut tipine sahip değilim, anlamıyorum, eğer tanışırsa vücudumla hiç sorun yaşamadım böyle ben niye bunu şimdi bana dokunmayacak diyor, her zaman oral yapmamı istiyor ve ondan seks yapmamı istediğimde hayır diyor, bundan bıktım ne yapabilirim, işe yaramasını istiyorum çünkü Onu seviyorum ama kıçım ya da kalçam yoksa neden benimle seks yapmıyoruz ve toplumda diğer kızlara ya da koca götlü youtube'a baktığında çok acıyor ve bana istediğinin bu olduğunu söylüyor o kadar kalbim kırıldı ki 10 Eylül 2018, 14:31 Rebecca ne yapacağımı bilmiyorum! 12 yıldır eşimle birlikteyim ve bu 12 yılın 4'ünde evliyiz. geçen yıl benimle seks yapmakla pek ilgilenmemişti. neredeyse her gece soruyorum ve yorgun ya da bitkin olduğunu söylüyor. Ona sordum ve sabah beğendiğini söyledi ama sabah 4'te kalkıp kahve almak ve ofisine oturmak için evden çıkıyor. sonra sabah 5-6 gibi eve gelir ve bir saat çalışır, duş alır ve işe geri döner. bencil olduğunu düşünüyorum ve eğer beni sevseydi, benimle yakın olmak için zaman ayırırdı. artık ne yapacağımı bilmiyorum. Evliliğimde kendimi çirkin, iğrenç ve değersiz hissediyorum. Bana beni sevdiğini söylediğini hissediyorum ama artık bana aşık değil. bu duygusal olarak yaşadığım en zor şey ve bununla nasıl başa çıkacağımı bilmiyorum. lütfen yardım et! 13 Ağustos 2018, 19:07 lola merhaba im lola 4 aydır erkek arkadaşımla birlikteyim, şimdi seksin ilişkide bir dürtü olduğunu düşünmüyor. Sanki başka her şey gerçekten önemliymiş gibi geliyor ve katılıyorum ama ben daha yüksek bir cinsel dürtü insanıyım ve geçmiş ilişkilerimde temelde onunla daha fazla seks yaptım, başka her şeyim var ama benden önce çok az seks var 3 yıl yoktu seks ve o, seksin gerçekten önemli olmadığını iddia ediyor, haftada 2 kez seks yapıyoruz, daha fazla seks istemekte yanlış mıyım? 23 Ağustos 2017, 21:29 jean şahsen bana. Kız arkadaşımın bıraktığım içme alışkanlıklarından bıktım. 7 aydan fazla oldu. birkaç kez şikayet etti ve ben de ona nedenini hatırlatmaya devam ettim. Yaklaşık 4 yıldır birlikteyiz ve şimdiden ondan birden fazla kez gitmesini rica ediyorum. tam zamanlı çalıştığım için başka sorunlar var. tam zamanlı okul ve tüm faturaları ve bazılarını ödemek için başka bir iş. Ona ondan daha iyisini yapabileceğimi söyledim. Zaten birkaç dui'si var. ama şu anki işi ile tek başına yaşayamaz. artı kanser olduğunu ve bir şeyler yaşadığını öğrendi. bu yüzden destekledim. onu doktor ziyaretlerine ve diğerlerine götürmek. ben insanlık dışı değilim. sekiz aydan fazla oldu bu üç kelimeyi söylemedim. bana söyletmeye çalışıyor. ya da onu dudaklarından öpmemi istiyor. En çok vereceğim sadece bir süre kucaklaşmak ve bir süre elini tutacağım. sadece onunla ilgilenmiyorum. bu yüzden seks kartı benim için bir şey değil. Bir süre seks şakaları hakkında şaka yaparız. bla bla ama çevremizdeki insanlara gülüyorlar ya da her neyse. ikimiz de bunun sadece birbirimizi bıçaklamak olduğunu biliyoruz. beni aşamalı değil. önemli olan. o birkaç şey yaptı ve ben cinsel olarak ilgilenmeyeceğim. gözlerinin içine bakmakta iyidir. Çocuk sahibi olamıyor ve bu da büyük bir engel. çocuğum yok. onun üç tane var. iki kişi orada kendi başına yaşıyor. ve üçüncüsü, o çocuğun ayrıldığını görmeye hazırım. usta bating sorun yaşadığım birçok stres var. Haftalarca deneyebilirim ama gerek yok ya da gerek yok. Yabancılarla sohbet etmek için uğraşıyorum. ama daha fazlası değil. orada sadakatsiz olduğunu düşündüm. Evet. ama o baş ağrısına da ihtiyacım yok. bu yüzden işe, okula ve faturalara odaklanıyorum. kendime zaman ayırıyorum bahçede çalışmak. ev. beni mutlu eden şeyler o sadece bir tür sohbet için etrafta. eğer giderse. daha iyi. ama onu kovmaya gelince. iyileşene kadar bekleyebilirim. Onu kovmak için acelem yok. eğer yapsaydım. bir canavar olduğum gibi görünebilir. kanser hastasını dışarı atmak. yani eğer bir seks sürüşüm olsaydı. nereye gittiğini bilmiyorum. hiç sahip olsaydım idk. Geçmişte çok azı seks eksikliğinden dolayı ayrıldı. ama o zamanlar daha çok işim ve ödeyecek başka faturalarım vardı. bazı kadınların faturalara dikkat edilmesi gerektiğini anlamaları gerekir. ya da randevu gecesi her hafta sonu araba yolunda oturup ayın yükselişini izlemekten başka bir şey olmayacak lol 20 Haziran 2017, 15:02 fatura benim için. Ben de yapmamayı seçiyorum. kız arkadaşımın içki sorunu var. program yapıyor ama mazeretlerle içki içiyor. Sadece durmayı seçiyorum. tam zamanlı çalışıyorum. okul tam zamanlı. kendi evi. Artı başka şeylerim var. bu yüzden konuya. bu ne kadar ıskalandı ve seninle nasıl başa çıkılacağını bilmediğim olabilir. çünkü eğer gf'imi dışarı atarsam. sokaklarda yaşıyor ve şahsen bu düşünceyle kolay değil. Suçluluktan nefret ederim. 12 Nisan 2017, 06:42 fatura benim için düzeltildi. ben de yapmamayı seçiyorum. kız arkadaşımın içki sorunu var. programlar yaptı ama son 14 aydır bahanelerle içki içiyor. Onunla ilişkisel seks yapmayı bırakmayı seçiyorum. tam zamanlı çalışıyorum. okul tam zamanlı. kendi evi. Artı başka şeylerim var. bu yüzden konuya. bir nedenle kadın hatası olabilir ve bf bununla nasıl başa çıkacağını bilmiyor. kız arkadaşımı dışarı atarsam, sokaklarda yaşıyor olacak ve şahsen bu düşünce kolay değil. Suçluluktan nefret ederim. ailesi ona yardım etmeyecek. Yalnız yaşıyorum, bu yüzden sadece etrafta olacak birinin olması da geldi. Şahsen. eğer giderse. beni rahatsız etmeyecek Çünkü ondan gitmesini çoktan söylüyorum. blas hissini iddia ediyor. Ondan bıkana ve onu çıkarmak için mahkemeye gidene kadar sıkışmış durumdayım. 12 Nisan 2017, 06:51 cheyenna erkek arkadaşımla bir yıldan biraz fazla süredir birlikteyim. İkimiz de genciz, 19 ve bazı nedenlerden dolayı seks yapmak çoğu zaman bir angarya gibi davranıyor ve ben ona bunu yaptırabildiğimde, sadece acele etmek ve üstesinden gelmek istiyor gibi görünüyor. Kendine ait olmak istediği tek zaman, bahsetmeden birkaç gün geçirdiğim zaman gibi görünüyor. iyi bir işi var ve benim fark ettiğim kadarıyla başka bir açıdan tamamen iyi. Yardım? 5 aralık 2016, 09:56 kalbi kırılmış ve kafası karışmış tamam..erkek arkadaşım ve. 18 yıldır birbirimizi tanıyoruz bağlantıyı kaybettik, sonra yeniden bir araya geldik ve benzer bir şekilde çıkıyoruz 6 ay..her gün olduğu gibi seks yaptığımız ilk hafta, 4 kere uzakta harikaydı ... sonra birlikte olduğumuzdan 2 hafta sonra dışarı çıkıyor ve benim için seninle olmam için ideal kadınım için 'zayıflaman' gerektiğini söylüyor .. ayrıca lupus, fibromiglia ve hipotiroidizm var (kilonuzu kontrol ediyor) .. ama şu ana kadar yaklaşık 3 ay içinde 50 kilo kaybettim ve hala seks yapmıyoruz çünkü ona ulaşamayacak kadar şişmanım diyor ..ama başka hiçbir erkek bunu bana asla inandırmadı .. & onu çok seviyorum & onunla birlikte olmak istiyorum .. ama yine de benimle olduğu zaman 'şişman' gibiydim .. ve yeniden bir araya gelmeden önce bir resim gönderdim Ben onunla buluşmak için bir partideyken ve güzel göründüğünü söyledi, bu yüzden birbirlerini görmeden önce kilomu biliyordu ve gördü ... bu yüzden söylendiği gibi nasıl değişebileceği konusunda incindim , tanışmadan önce beni gördü .. ve w Bunu söylemeden önce seks yapmıştı .. ve şimdi bana hangi ideal kiloda olmamı istediğini göstermek için bana 'kalın' kadınların resimlerini gösteriyor? ne yapmalıyım? Bağlantıyı özledim aşkım ... ama porno izlediğinde oradaki kadınlar bedenime benziyor, şimdi kafam karıştı. .Lütfen 15 Kasım 2016, 03:28 micaela 'yı anlamama yardım et bu durumuma benziyor ama oldukça farklı. Erkek arkadaşımla 7 yıldır birlikte 9 ve 6 yıldır 2010'dan beri birlikte yaşıyorum. 18 yaşında gençken ilişkimiz harikaydı. O her zaman seks yapmaya hazırdı. o şimdiye kadar sahip olduğum tek partnerim, bu yüzden başka kimseyle başka bir deneyimim yok. onu seviyorum 2013'te ona daha çok aşık olmuş bir kızımız vardı ama kızımız doğduktan sonra işlerin değiştiğini fark ettim. 2016 yılı ve 2 yıldan beri bana şefkat göstermeyi bıraktı, ayda bir seks kimliğimiz olduğunda nadirdir. henüz 25 genciz !! yönetici pozisyonunda tam zamanlı bir işi var. her zaman işten vb. yorulan bahaneler uydurur ama eve gelir ve video oyunu oynar. ya da telefonunda vs benim için hiç vakit yok. Her zaman istenmeyen, reddedilmiş hissediyorum Yeterince iyi olmadığımı hissediyorum. Bazen yatakta iyi olmadığımı düşünüyorum? Sadece neden artık seks yapmak istemediğini bilmek istiyorum. Hile yapmadığını biliyorum, bir arabamız var ve onu işe götürürüm, her zaman eve gelir, böylece söz konusu bile olamaz. neden benimle seks yapmak istemiyor? Hala onun için seksi oluyorum, beni asla fark etmiyor, doğrudan uyumaya gidiyor. ya da cinsel bir şey yapmak istediğinde, ona oral ya da anal gibi fayda sağlamaktır. Sevmediğim ve ona söylüyorum ya da soruyorum ama o sadece yorgun vs diyor ama bunları yapacak vakti var ama benimle asla seks yapmak istemiyor. 12 ağustos 2016, 2:55 trin erkek arkadaşımla neredeyse iki yıldır birlikteyiz, birlikte yaşamıyoruz, ama bu hiç sorun olmadı. Önceki bir ilişkiden iki çocuğum var ve bu ayrılıkla başa çıkmak onlar için gerçekten zor. ama son zamanlarda ön sevişmenin ortasında 'bu garip' gibi yorumlar yapıyor 'gerçekten böyle buluşmayı bırakmamız gerekiyor' ne demek istediğini veya kafasında ne olduğunu sorduğumda, bilmiyorum cevabım olarak. son seferden beri, artık gerçekten seks yapmak istemiyorum ve yapmadık. en zor şey bundan hiç bahsetmemiş olması. o da veba gibi benden kaçıyor ve ben gerçekten hüsrana uğradım. benimle konuşmayacak ve son ilişkimde, sürekli benimle konuşacaksın ve o günkü dedikodunun ne olduğu değil, neler olduğu hakkında daha çok konuşacaksın. artık bunu yapmak istemiyorum. Bu adamların kafalarının kuma gömüldüğü sorunları sürekli gündeme getiren kişi olmaktan bıktım. Dürüst olmak gerekirse artık ne yapacağımı bilmiyorum. ve canımı acıtmaktan yoruldum. 21 temmuz 2016, 08:57 megan makale harika bir tavsiye .. soru şu .. kocamın oyununu hissetmesi için 2 yıl 6 ay bekledim ve hala seks istemiyor ama yine de neden benimle olmayacağını öğrenmek için zaman ayırıyor .. beklemeye devam etmeli miyim? Zamanımı boşa harcıyor olabileceğimden korkuyorum. 25 yaşındayım. Sadece bir kez seks yaptık. 2 yıl 10 aydır beraberiz. şimdiye kadar . 17 temmuz 2016, 06:39 anitataco koşusu! hızlı ve uzak! şimdi gençsin, bu sorun düzelmeyecek! o büyüdüğünde ve şu anda olduğundan daha az testosterona sahip olduğunda aniden daha fazla seks istemeyecek! bu onun sorunu, senin değil. Hepiniz bayanlar, cidden, yapabildiğiniz zaman dışarı çıkın ve gelecekte çıktığınız erkeklere, ilişkinin cinsel yönünün sizin için ne kadar önemli olduğunu söyleyin! ikinizin de aynı sayfada olduğundan emin olun! 22 temmuz 2018, 23:36 çoğu zaman kızgınım 3 yıldır nişanlımla birlikteyken, şimdi bir olan bir çocuğumuz var. Geçenlerde (yaklaşık 3 aydır) seksimizin artık yeterince iyi olmadığından şikayet etti, ancak her seks yaptığımızda bana bunun en iyisi olduğunu söylüyor! şimdi yaklaşık ayda iki kez seks yapıyoruz ve sadece kendimi ona zorladığımda, genellikle uyurken… .. geçen hafta birçok kez ona mastürbasyon yaparak girdim ve ona bunu neden doğru yaptığımı söyledim. yan odaya gel ve benimle seks yap. beni uyandır, yine de reddediyor ve istediğini yapabilmesi için yalnız zaman istediğini söylüyor (porno seyretmek). yaklaşık 4 ay önce bir tartışmamız vardı ve bana mahremiyete ihtiyacı olduğunu söyledi (ben de vücudumdan bir insan çıktığını gördün), bu yüzden beni telefonundan, e-postalarından vb. kilitlemekle görevlendirdi. Zihin ama ben çocuğumuzu doğururken bir kızla mesajlaşıyordu ve uygunsuz olduğunu itiraf etti ve şimdi sadece iyi olduğuna güvenmemi bekliyor. telefon kilitlendi ve seks yok tamam tabii… .. herkes ne düşünüyor? 28 Mayıs 2016, 01:22 chels kız. Bunun 2016'da yazıldığını biliyorum, ama aman tanrım bu neredeyse 2013'teki durumuma benziyor 2012'de oğlumuz vardı ve 2013 Şubat'a kadar birlikte yaşıyorduk. Onun telefonuna hiç bakmadım (bc biliyorum çocuklar Bu konuda çok tuhaflar + bulacaklarımdan biraz korkuyordum + üzerinde bir şifre vardı) ama bunun dışında yaklaşık aynı. Onu işine götürür ve alırdım ve cep telefonu kulelerinde çalışırdı ve yorgun olduğunu veya midesinin rahatsız olduğunu söylerdi, hatta 'hemroid' olduğunu bile söyledi. Demek istediğim, böyle şeyler olur ama benimle özellikle seks yapmadığı son derece açık ve barizdi. Onu, banyodaki yatak odasında benimle banyoda porno yapmak için yakaladım. beni çok acıttı. Çoğu erkeğin pornoyu sevdiği gerçeğiyle ilgili hiçbir sorunum yok, bu yüzden evde değilsem ya da bir şey yaparsan - ama özellikle gerçek seks yerine sürtükleri izleyerek masterbating'i seçmeyi mi? İyi bir kadın olduğumu biliyorum ve ilişkinin ilk zaman diliminde hepimiz bununla ilgilenmiştik. Başlatmaya çalıştığımda kendimi iğrenç azgın çaresiz biri gibi hissettirdi ve ara sıra jsut yerine bir bahane uydururdu. bu yüzden onunla uğraşmayı bıraktım. iyi görünmek için elimden geleni yapardım ve o hiçbir şey fark etmezdi. Narsisistik olarak ciddi bir şekilde rahatsız olduğunu fark ettim ve 2016'da ayrıldık ve anlaştık. Hatta bugüne kadar, onu özellikle ve sürekli olarak pornoyu seçtiğimi ve yan odadayken onu istediğimi bilerek elini bana verdiğini görünce - bir bıçak beni bıçaklamış gibi hissettim ve bunu klişe gibi görünmek için bile istemiyorum, gerçekten incitti benim özüme neden onun saf reddi, bencillik ve tembellik onu bu kadar kötü yaptığını tahmin ettiğimi bilmiyorum. bu tür sorunlar hala beni rahatsız ediyor. Neden ondan beri başka bir ilişkide bulunmadığıma dair sayısız başka nedenim var. ancak, başka bir bencil piç tarafından incitilmektense bekar olmayı tercih ederim. (Erkeklerin ve kadınların bencil ve narsist olabileceğini kabul ediyorum.) her neyse, belki bunu okuyacaksın, yoksa belki başka bir çakal gelir, bu tür bir durumda yalnız olmadıklarını bilmek için. 25 Eylül 2019, 18:07 shana ben de aynı şeyi yaşıyorum. tek fark benim erkek arkadaşımın işini bırakması ve ikincisi de. her zaman odasında ve telefonunda kalır. hiçbir şey tartışmak, yakınlaşmak ya da seks yapmak istemiyor. kafam karıştı. hiç ilgi göstermiyor. artık hiçbir şeyi umursamıyor. ama ilişkiyi istediğini ve beni sevdiğini söylüyor. söylediği tek şey. kafam karıştı. 24 Mayıs 2016, 22:00 megan belki de bir şeyler yüzünden bunalıma girmiştir. onu rahatsız eden bir şey. 17 temmuz 2016, 06:41 set bunu yazdığınız için teşekkür ederiz. Kendim hakkında gerçekten güvensiz hissediyordum ama şimdi bunun ben olmadığımı biliyorum. sabırlı olacağım. 2 Şubat 2016, 13:33 sheena ben de bunun gibi sorunlar yaşıyorum ve benim erkek arkadaşım ve ben anlayışlı bir şekilde sorun yaşıyoruz ve şimdi o da ilgilenmiyor seks yaparken nedenini bilmiyorum son zamanlarda kilo aldım ve gerginliklerden dolayı kayboldum onu ​​çok seviyorum onunla konuşmaya çalıştım ve görünüşün sebebi olabileceğini ve benimle seks yapmaktan çok sıkıldığını söyledi. olasılık şimdi ne yapmam gerektiğini lütfen bana yardım edin, lütfen bana çok deneyimli insanlara yardım edin, siz 15 Kasım 2015, 16:33 hcho erkek arkadaşımla ilişkim var geçen 2012'den itibaren… arasında, bugüne kadar bildiğim neredeyse üç gul ile seks ilişkisine girdi… ve öğrendiğim gibi, beni görmezden geliyor ve o guls Continusli'yi çağırıyordu! ve onu bana geri getirmek için çok uğraştım ,,,, şimdi birlikteyiz ama hala güvende hissetmiyorum 13 Eylül 2015, 16:57 ben teşekkürler dostum . .. ihtiyacım olan / duymak istediklerim. 11 Ağustos 2015, 22:05 alana bu yüzden erkek arkadaşımla bir yıldır 7 aydır ilişki içindeyim. sevgi dolu ve şefkatli bir adam ve bana bir prenses gibi davranıyor. ama seksi zaman söz konusu olduğunda artık eskisi gibi değil. birlikte taşınmadan önce tam anlamıyla haftada 5 kez veya daha fazla seks yapardık. sonra yavaşça içeri girdikçe yokuş aşağı indi. şimdi sadece yorgun ya da yanlış günü seçtiğimi söylüyor. Başladığımda beni geri çevirdi ve sonra bunu bu hafta birkaç kez yaptığı gerçeğini gündeme getirdiğimde benimle seksi zaman geçireceğini söylemeye çalıştı ama ben şikayet ederek bunu mahvettim. Bunu söylemesinin tek sebebi bundan şikayet etmem. bunun dışında, artık istemiyorum. Ona zorlamam gerekmiyormuş gibi hissediyorum ve artık onun da istemediği duygularımı incitiyor. şimdiye kadar ayda bir veya iki ayda bir oldu ve ne yapacağımı bilmiyorum. bazen başlatmadığımı söyler ve bunun tek sebebi her yaptığımda reddedilmem, neden denemeye devam edeyim? 9 haziran 2015, 01:59 tammie sizinle seks yapmayı sevmiyorsa, her şeyi keşfetmek için bir ilişkisi olabilir 30 mayıs 2015, 23:31 ez , istediğimiz zaman erkekler seks yapmamızı reddeden kadınların elde ettiği şey bu. ah ha ha ha! 27 mart 2015, 12:17 mvema neredeyse 2 yıldır erkek arkadaşımla birlikteyim. Her şey rastgele başladı çünkü eskiden aynı otelde birlikte çalışıyorduk, o mutfakta ve ben restoranda. benden 3-4 kez kendisiyle bir şeyler içmemi istedi ama eski erkek arkadaşımdan birkaç ay önce koptuğum için kötü vakit geçiriyordum, ama sormaya devam etti ve sonunda birlikte bir şeyler içmeye gittik. iş yerinden daha fazla insanla. her şey yolundaydı, onunla seks yapmayı severdim ve birlikte eğlenirdik. Birkaç ayın haftada bir veya iki kez buluşmasından sonra, 2 hafta tatile gittim ve geri döndüğümde tekrar görüştük ve aramızda neler olduğunu konuştuk. Birbirimizi sevdiğimiz konusunda anlaştık ve bu şekilde iyiydik, bazen birlikte uyuyorduk, bana genellikle kaç erkekle yattığımı sorardı, biraz kaba bulduğum bir şey bana uzun bir erkek listesi varmış gibi hissettirdi beni bekliyor!. Her şey yolunda gidiyordu diyene kadar resmi bir çift olmaya karar verdik, çünkü ikimiz de geçmişte kötü ilişkilerimiz vardı ve çok hızlı gitmek istemedik, yani Kasım ya da Aralık 2013'teydi. 2 ay sonra, 2014 zaten oldu, iyi seks yapmayı bıraktık ve her şey biraz sıkıcı olmaya başladı, ancak daha sık tanıştık ve daha çok bir çift gibi birlikte daha çok zaman geçirmeye başladık, yani birlikte akşam yemeği yemek, sinemaya gitmek ve tüm bu şeyler, her şey güzeldi ve gerçekten hoşuma gitti çünkü geçmiş ilişkilerimde seksin gerçekten iyi olduğu ama mutlu hissetmedim çünkü her zaman istediğimi vermediklerini hissettim. ya da ihtiyacım olan şey. Eh, zaten bir yıldır böyle, benimle çok güzel, bana kucaklıyor, bana bakıyor, bana hediye alıyor, beni arıyor ve her gün mesaj atıyor. her şey mükemmel gibi görünüyor ama 3 ya da 4 aydır seks yapmıyoruz, geçen seferi bile hatırlamıyorum. Son kez seks yaptık, hiç iyi değil çünkü onu yapmaya zorlamıştım ve bunun için kendimi kötü hissediyorum ve bu yüzden% 100 mutlu değilim. yani, bir süredir böyleydi ve ne yapacağımı bilmiyorum. onunla konuştum ve elimden gelenin en iyisini denedim, bu konular hakkında konuşmak benim için kolay değil çünkü ilk dilim İngilizce değil ve ne söyleyeceğime ve nasıl söyleyeceğime dikkat etmeliyim çünkü onu incitmek istemiyorum hiç. eh, her zaman söylemesinin nedeni, şişmanladığı için vücudundan memnun olmaması ve önümde çıplak olmak bile istememesi. Biraz şişman olsa da ondan hoşlanıyorum ama tüm bu durum beni gerçekten hüsrana uğratıyor. Eskiden başka bir kız olduğunu düşünürdüm ama bunun için zamanı bile yok ve gerçekten inanıyorum ki kızları kandıran bu tür bir gusy değil, en azından öyle görünmüyor. Bu konu hakkında defalarca konuştuktan sonra, bu sadece görebildiğim bir şey çünkü görünüşe göre seks olmadan iyi durumda. Pekala, ne yapmam gerektiğini düşünüyordum ve eğer ayrılmalı ve denemeyi ve denemeyi bırakmalıyım, ama mesele şu ki, ondan hoşlanıyorum, bana yaptığı birçok şeyi seviyorum ve kişisel hakkında konuşmaktan hoşlanmasa da hayat, gerçek şu ki erkeklerin çoğu böyle ve bunun değiştiremeyeceğin veya değişmesini bekleyemeyeceğin bir şey olduğuna inanıyorum, gerçek şu ki kimse mükemmel değil! haha. ne yapacağımı bilmediğim bir şey, çünkü gerçekten onun değerli bir insan olduğunu ve açıkça benden hoşlandığını ve erkeklerin benimle birlikteyken her zaman düşündüğüm gibi seks yüzünden beni istemediğini düşünüyorum. bana şimdiye kadar kimsenin vermediği birçok şeyi veriyor, ama benim için tuhaf ve inanılmaz olan şey, benimle yatakta olabilir ve neredeyse çıplak olabilirim veya güzel kıyafetler giyebilirim ve o hiç azgın değil ve bence Onun tepki vermemesi için göğüslerimi ya da kıçımı önüne koyabilirim! Arkadaşlarımın çoğunun düşündüğü gibi eşcinsel olduğunu bile düşündüm, ama ona sorduğum için değil dedi. Mesele şu ki, azgın olduğumda genellikle sinirleniyorum ve onu kızdırmaya çalışıyorum ve kendimi bir aptal gibi hissediyorum çünkü bunu nasıl yapacağımı ya da ne yapacağımı biliyorum. Bu problemi daha önce hiç yaşamadım çünkü oldukça ateşliyim ve yatakta kirli olmayı seviyorum ama bize ne olduğunu bilmiyorum, sanırım yatakta koordineli değiliz. mesela, bir otelde değiliz ve yataktaydık ve neredeyse çıplakım ve evet o bana yakın ve bana kucaklıyor ama gerçekten keşke beni alıp beni kaldırıp becerse ! Bu büyük bir anlaşma mı? Bazen bir erkek arkadaşım olmadığını hissediyorum, oyuncak ayım var! Ben ateşli bir kızım ve birçok erkeği kovalayabilirim, benden hoşlandığını söylüyor ama ona ne olduğunu bilmiyorum, fazla düşünmek istemiyorum ama sadece kötü hissetmekten bıktım çünkü beni yaratmıyor bir kadın gibi hissediyorum. planı Tayland'a gidiyor, daha önce orada yaşamış, seyahat etmeyi seviyor ve orada bir tür kampta kalacağına ve boks yapacağına katılıyorum ve benden onu ziyaret etmemi istedi ve o hatta ülkemde birlikte yaşamaya gitmemi bile söyledi ama şimdiki zaman böyleyse geleceği göremiyorum, bu garip mi yoksa kötü mü? Benimle olmak istediğinden şüphem yok. hayatım güzel, işimi seviyorum ve ailem uzakta ama yine de mutlu olmasına rağmen istediğim yerde yaşıyorum. lütfen bana görüşlerinizi veya önerilerinizi verin. 15 Mart 2015, 21:44 mvema neredeyse 2 yıldır erkek arkadaşımla birlikteyim. her şey rastgele başladı çünkü eskiden aynı otelde birlikte çalışıyorduk, o mutfakta ve ben restoranda. benden 3-4 kez kendisiyle bir şeyler içmemi istedi ama eski erkek arkadaşımdan birkaç ay önce koptuğum için kötü vakit geçiriyordum, ama sormaya devam etti ve sonunda birlikte bir şeyler içmeye gittik. iş yerinden daha fazla insanla. her şey yolundaydı, onunla seks yapmayı severdim ve birlikte eğlenirdik. Birkaç ayın haftada bir veya iki kez buluşmasından sonra, 2 hafta tatile gittim ve geri döndüğümde tekrar görüştük ve aramızda neler olduğunu konuştuk. Birbirimizi sevdiğimiz konusunda anlaştık ve bu şekilde iyiydik, bazen birlikte uyuyorduk, bana genellikle kaç erkekle yattığımı sorardı, biraz kaba bulduğum bir şey bana uzun bir erkek listesi varmış gibi hissettirdi beni bekliyor!. Her şey yolunda gidiyordu diyene kadar resmi bir çift olmaya karar verdik, çünkü ikimiz de geçmişte kötü ilişkilerimiz vardı ve çok hızlı gitmek istemedik, yani Kasım ya da Aralık 2013'teydi. 2 ay sonra, 2014 zaten oldu, iyi seks yapmayı bıraktık ve her şey biraz sıkıcı olmaya başladı, ancak daha sık tanıştık ve daha çok bir çift gibi birlikte daha çok zaman geçirmeye başladık, yani birlikte akşam yemeği yemek, sinemaya gitmek ve tüm bu şeyler, her şey güzeldi ve gerçekten hoşuma gitti çünkü geçmiş ilişkilerimde seksin gerçekten iyi olduğu ama mutlu hissetmedim çünkü her zaman istediğimi vermediklerini hissettim. ya da ihtiyacım olan şey. Eh, zaten bir yıldır böyle, benimle çok güzel, bana kucaklıyor, bana bakıyor, bana hediye alıyor, beni arıyor ve her gün mesaj atıyor. her şey mükemmel gibi görünüyor ama 3 ya da 4 aydır seks yapmıyoruz, geçen seferi bile hatırlamıyorum. Son kez seks yaptık, hiç iyi değil çünkü onu yapmaya zorlamıştım ve bunun için kendimi kötü hissediyorum ve bu yüzden% 100 mutlu değilim. Yani, bir süredir böyle oldu ve ben ne yapacağımı bilmiyorum. onunla konuştum ve elimden gelenin en iyisini denedim, bu konular hakkında konuşmak benim için kolay değil çünkü ilk dilim İngilizce değil ve ne söyleyeceğime ve nasıl söyleyeceğime dikkat etmeliyim çünkü onu incitmek istemiyorum hiç. eh, her zaman söylemesinin nedeni, şişmanladığı için vücudundan memnun olmaması ve önümde çıplak olmak bile istememesi. biraz şişman olsa da onu seviyorum ama tüm bu durum beni gerçekten hüsrana uğratıyor. Eskiden başka bir kız olduğunu düşünürdüm ama bunun için zamanı bile yok ve gerçekten inanıyorum ki kızları kandıran bu tür bir gusy değil, en azından öyle görünmüyor. Bu konu hakkında defalarca konuştuktan sonra, bu sadece görebildiğim bir şey çünkü görünüşe göre seks olmadan iyi durumda. Pekala, ne yapmam gerektiğini düşünüyordum ve eğer ayrılmalı ve denemeyi ve denemeyi bırakmalıyım, ama mesele şu ki, ondan hoşlanıyorum, bana yaptığı birçok şeyi seviyorum ve kişisel hakkında konuşmaktan hoşlanmasa da hayat, gerçek şu ki erkeklerin çoğu böyle ve bunun değiştiremeyeceğin veya değişmesini bekleyemeyeceğin bir şey olduğuna inanıyorum, gerçek şu ki kimse mükemmel değil! haha. Ne yapacağımı bilmediğim bir şey, çünkü gerçekten onun değerli bir insan olduğunu ve açıkça benden hoşlandığını ve erkeklerin yanımda olduğunu düşündüğüm gibi seks yüzünden beni istemediğini düşünüyorum. bana şimdiye kadar kimsenin vermediği birçok şeyi veriyor, ama benim için tuhaf ve inanılmaz olan şey, benimle yatakta olabilir ve neredeyse çıplak olabilirim veya güzel kıyafetler giyebilirim ve o hiç azgın değil ve bence 15 mart 2015, 20:32 sonbahar robinson ben ve erkek arkadaşım 3 aydır birlikteyiz diye göğüslerimi veya kıçımı önüne koyabilirdim ve boşaldıktan sonra bana yardım edecek ve beni orgazma götürecek, çünkü seks sırasında her zaman yapamadığım için ve son 2 gündür gelir gelmez, artık kaldıramıyor, o deniyor ve açık ama bizimle işbirliği yapmıyor ve artık benim tarafımdan açılmadığını hissediyorum, ne yapabilirim? mms 8 mart 2015, 12:30 brenda sadece şunu söyleyebilirim; Hala yalan yaşayan bir adamla cehenneme gittim ve geri döndüm; birkaç kez harika seks yaptık; sözlü değil; o sadece köpek tarzı seksten zevk alabilir…. Bir hileci; bir dolap durumda eşcinsel! Ben oldukça seksüelim; her gün seks yapabilirsem… evet; Söylemeye gerek kalmadan onu kovdum… zavallı kaybeden !! eğer bir erkek seks istemiyorsa ... sadece bilin ... saf olma ... onlar wanckers veya gey !! 4 mart 2015, 09:15 eleri ben ve erkek arkadaşım bir yıldan biraz uzun süredir görüşüyoruz. başlangıçta her zaman seks içindeydi ve harikaydı; ama son 5 aydır beni reddetti ya da 'duştan sonra' olacağını söyledi. ona bunu sorduğumda sadece 'Ben o kadar sekse girmiyorum' diyor ve ona başlangıçta nasıl olduğumuzu hatırlattığımda beni görmezden geliyor. Sanırım cinsel olarak benden ayrılıyor ve harika bir bağımız olmasına rağmen artık bana seksi ya da güzel olduğumu da söylemiyor. yapabileceğim bir şey var mı? 24 Şubat 2015, 16:12 katy neredeyse 11 aydır çıkıyoruz. ama daha bu hafta, bu arada benimle seks yapmak istemediğini söyledi. nedenini sordum ve güvensizliklerinden kaynaklandığını söyledi. önce eski erkek arkadaşımla seks yaptığım için eski erkek arkadaşımla güvensizleştiğini söyledi. Artık ne yapacağımı bilmiyorum. Neredeyse bir yıldır seks yapıyorduk ve sonra beni böyle mi kapatacak? Yani ilk kez seks yaptığımızda artık bakire olmadığımı düşünmesi gerekirdi değil mi? neden şimdi? :( 20 Şubat 2015, 12:33 çok hayal kırıklığına uğradın kaç yaşındasın? 1 hafta o kadar da önemli değil, kendine güvensizmişsin gibi geliyor , and he's lying. february 24, 2015, 1:41 am mary my boyfriend and i have been dating for 7 years and in few months we are getting married. after i came home from college few months ago our problems started. first i thought he is under a lot of stress but i know that is not the case. when we are with friends he always talks about how much he loves sex but nothing is happening. he is always telling me how much he loves me and that he can't live without me and that he can't wait for us to get married. i feel unattractive and depressed. i don't know what to do. i love him so much but i don't want to end up in a sexless marriage. february 19, 2015, 4:45 pm dazzle my problem is that mine never wants to.. even if i'm in langerie and taking his pants off he says noooooo like i'm a dude or something and i’m the prettiest girl he’s ever had inside and out and we live together, plus i’m an awesome housekeeper and cook.. so what’s the big deal? february 12, 2015, 11:17 am very very frustrated how long have you been together? mine is a year and a half, and i’ve done the lingerie thing…. i’m desperate. i finally convoked him to get his t levels checked, i don’t think he is cheating, but i feel so lonely sexually, and unwanted i literally am going to leave. and the tension has just made us starting fighting about everything. we never used to but now we do. i moved in 6 months ago, and the sex and slowly become non existence since. february 24, 2015, 1:39 am tammie i would seek counseling being intimate is very important may 30, 2015, 11:36 pm jade i have read a few of these, my situation is a little different so i figured i’d see what y’all have to say. i met my bf in june sex was hot intense and exciting in the beginning. we took a “break” that lasted september – october. we still had sex once a week during the break. that sex was just like when we first met again.he went away for a week at the end of october then i left the following week for my new job. he surprises me at the airport when i get home and makes it official. said he realized how much he missed me and wanted me to be with him. i am now his gf. since then the sex has been very minimal. maybe once a week, more like couple times a month. i asked him when it started and he said he was stressed about getting set up in the air force. he now has all his paperwork done and is happy not stressed. however he still doesn’t want to have sex. i flirt and make moves and he gives me excuses. i know he likes to have sex and its amazing for both of us. i don’t know what to do next. i have just been giving it space but my brain and libido are having a difficult time with this. he leaves for basic in march. i want to be able to enjoy him as my best friend and lover before he leave for 4 months. what are your thoughts? february 10, 2015, 3:09 pm casandra me and bf have been together for 3 yrs he use to do cute little things in the first 1 1/2 but now he doesn’t seem interested in having sex with me i’m the one to start it is it bad to want more attention? nor he doesn’t spend time with me all he does is hunt and work i love him and he says he still loves me but idk what to do i can’t help feel that he doesn’t want me anymore january 21, 2015, 1:32 am jordan ehrensberger my bofriend and i have been together nearly 3 months now. when we started dating i was 5 months pregnant and now i am 7 months. but the past month we have not had sex and when he asked me to go onto his phone and search something for him i saw that in his history was porn. obviously i was hurt by this, but i did not bring it up until a week later when he had friends over and they asked me jokingly how i would feel if i saw my boyfriend watched porn. so i said i would be hurt because why does he need it when he has me. then my bf chipped in and said but all men watch porn. so then i brought it up and said ya i know you do. its in your history… and he said ya and i watched it before i dated you not while i dated u. then i told him he was lying because it has dates and times that it was seen and then he was quiet. a few days later i checked and noticed he started to delete his history. up until yesterday i checked his history again and then what do you know he has been watching porn. now he tells me he loves me and thinks i am sexy and so on but now why did he stop having sex with me and resort to porn? someone please help me understand. :'( january 4, 2015, 9:54 pm hannah me and my boyfriend had sex about a week ago and he lasted for about 45 minutes. ever since then he hasn’t been in the mood at all. normally he’s horny every day. why? december 27, 2014, 10:06 am jessica my boyfriend and i have been together for 2 years. at the beginning of our relationship out sex life was great we had sex all the time and were both really into it. i know to this day my boyfriend really loves me, he tells me everyday probably 20 times a day he loves me and kisses and hugs me non stop, but when it comes to sex he never makes a move. when i make a move to have sex or fool around he always has an excuse that he’s to tired or not feeling good. i’ve even tried to spice things up by bringing him to the langerie store but he wasn’t into it. whenever i try to touch him in any sexual way he laughs and swats my hands away. i can’t take it when i keep getting rejected it hurts me bad and i do n’t know what’s wrong with me he assures me that he is still sexually attracted to me, but i feel the complete oppoosite december 2, 2014, 9:42 am leelee i have a best friend who’s a guy ..lots of guys friends and they always would give me advice in my relationship. my bf always made an excuse when i wanted to have sex.even when i would try and start it he would say he’s tired or he had a bad day at work.st first i was understanding.after a while i started getting upset .we started arguing alot, which made things worse.i asked my best friend who is a guy and he told me that my bf was most likely cheating. never in a million years would i expect it.so i denied it all the time and made excuses for him.turns out he was cheating in me for 2 years.we acually came to an understanding and i forgave him…knowing i wasn’t to faithful myself:(.we are still working things out..but now that we are good.and he’s not cheating we have sex almost every night. thanks for reading. november 23, 2014, 3:51 pm snowy i’ve been with my partner over a year, he’s fit, healthy, looks incredible (which i tell him all the time) we live together in an apartment i pay an extra $115 a week in rent than he does, i do all out washing, cleaning and cooking. i buy him the things he wants when he drops hints, i buy 80% of our groceries and pick up the bill 90% of the time if we go out. i go out of my way to make his life easy, happy and fun. i love watching the footy and cricket with him and we have the same sense of humour. but he doesn’t ever want to sleep with me. i initiate sex 9 times out of 10. i’ve brought it up before and it’s always a half assed lame excuse like being tired or stressed or it’s not the right time… when i bring it up, i don’t attack him, i just ask him why, and it’s normally after a month of letting him decide when he wants it ( so i’ll get it maybe twice that month) i’m starting to feel now that i’m being used because i pay for everything. what’s the problem?? help me!!! i’m a blonde size 10, i’m not totally skinny but i’m bubbly, happy and confident. is this a case of, maybe he’s just not attracted to me anymore? november 23, 2014, 3:21 pm rosio i had the same problem with my ex. slowly but surely, he lost all interest in sex. he also got laid off, although he did get another job, which was too stressful for him, the baby that he is. all the while, he insisted he didn’t want to live without me. i think he believed that. long story short, the less sex we had, the meaner he got. i then found out he had a prostitute habit, which really opened up my eyes to the loser he is. good riddance. and, he did nothing but beg me to come back until i finally had to block his number. november 20, 2014, 12:14 pm violet my boyfriend & i have been together for 3 years. when we first met, he was a virgin, i was not. we dated for 4 months before we had sex. i made sure he wasn’t saving it for marriage & that he felt ready. he was so nervous out first time, which i understood. he seemed most nervous about an accident. we used a whole box of condoms that night. he pulled out, took the condom off, then put another on. then he’d pull out, take the condom off & put another on. after that, we had sex once a month for about 3 months, he wasn’t as nervous. then it became less & less. at this moment, we haven’t had sex in 5 months. i’ve tried talking to him about it & he says, “there’s more to a relationship than just sex.” or “is sex the only thing you see in me?” i as well feel rejected. but the way he treats me is still the same from day 1. we go on dates, we travel, we have fun. the thoughts that go through my mind are; is he a-sexual? is he still that nervous about an unplanned pregnancy that absenence is the only way? he has his dream job & his stress levels are pretty low. he’s only 28. he’s never really been interested in sex & i don’t know why. november 18, 2014, 12:24 am ivy there are tons of possibilities on why he doesn’t want to have sex often, you listed some of them, there are more possibilities you did not list. only he can tell you. are you sure he is straight? does he watch porn? how old are the two of you? does he masturbate? everyone has a different normal for sex. is he happy with your sex life? obviously, you are not. perhaps in the end you are simply not sexually compatible. november 20, 2014, 12:21 pm tia hi i really need advice. me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 3 years. we first met when i lived on my own. he stayed over all the time. we had amazing sex. sometimes 4 times a day. since moved back home it all stopped. i am 22 he is 25 (if this helps). i ask him for sex i come on to him and he always brushes me off. he either waits for me to go to bed when i stay over and fall asleep then he comes to bed. or he says he is too tired. it been making me so upset. before we started dating he told me he stopped having sex with his ex girlfriend because she gained 30 pounds and he didn’t find her attractive. i was extremely skinny when i lived on my own. since then i gained about 10 pounds. i am 5’6 125. still fairly skinny. we been having fights over this because i feel like he doesn’t love me. i don’t even know what to do at this point. he shows me no affection he doesn’t kiss me i have to kiss him and he never says i love you first. he only says it back. please help :( i love him very much. october 28, 2014, 6:51 pm helvie he sounds like an egotistical f*cker who likes women chasing after him. make him feel that you have the power and you have complete control over the situation. make him feel you can be okay without him. have fun and go out with friends ;) don’t touch him and dont tell him you love him, make him feel a dose of his own meds. just show him you’re completely happy, that will make him wonder. if this doesnt work or he doesnt even noticed, it means he’s not in love anymore march 4, 2015, 4:21 am laura me and my b/f have been together nearly 2 years, no kids that live with us. i work weekends and so does he. whenever i ask/beg come on to him for sex his response is always the same. i’m too tires. when i’ve tried talking to him about this and he says why do women always make a big deal about sex it’s not the most important thing in a relationship. i feel stupid rejected unattractive and now unloved. lütfen yardım et. i love him and we’ve been talking about marriage but i camt go 3/4 months without sex at a time :( october 14, 2014, 10:04 am tina i am so glad that i found this post. i have been having such a hard time with this. my boyfriend and i have been together almost a year, and although we didn’t have sex a lot (he has low testosterone) we did a lot more than we do now. we have been through a lot so far in our short relationship. he was an alcoholic, and he cheated on me. i broke up with him and told him until he got sober we wouldn’t be together. he’s been dry for 3 months now, which i am so proud of and happy for him, but our sex life is non existent. i think we’ve had sex 10 times since we got back together 7 months ago. i worry a lot that he might be cheating, even though he says he’s not. i just wish there was more i could do to make him want me more. it bothers me too that him and his ex screwed like bunnies and did all kinds of kinky things, and it just feels unfair that he doesn’t have that lust for me. october 10, 2014, 9:51 pm leelee most likely if your bf or husband isn’t having sex with you it’s because he’s cheating on you…have u checked his phone or emails? they start getting mean and then eventually distant…because he’s lus tying for some1 else…i’m telling u because it happened to me.if you tell yourself “he will never cheat on me” then you don’t have an open mind and u will probably won’t see the signs.keep an open mind because “anything” is possible. you will find yourself making excuses for him…or even wondering what’s wrong with you…but belive me…it’s not you who has the problem . remember to always have your own back… thanks :) october 8, 2014, 7:32 pm kim my boyfriend has not been interested in sex. three years ago i met him. he did not want to have sex till 3 months after we met. the first time was rubbish he just lay there and i did every thing and he didn’t even ejaculate . i felt so stupid. after that he has been about the same. now he has half naked girls on his phone that the has vital sex with. i feel so hurt the way he is treating me . i have tried to talk to him but gets me now where. he says that he loves me but how can he when he has virtual sex. and he is not sexually attracted to me. august 26, 2014, 9:27 am frustrated hi there! i really need some advice! i moved in with my bf 9 months ago. before that he lived part time with me, at which time sex was awesome. i get embarrassed just thinking about the stuff he used to do to me (all good, oh boy!) but when i moved in with him, everything just stopped. period! we make love only when and if i bring up the subject once a month sometimes once every 2 months, its as if to shut me up. lately, i’ve been getting so irritated that we keep fighting over it. i’m trying to understand the reason behind the drought and all i get is “i don’t know” and “perhaps i initiated all the time in the past” which got him turned off… can anyone please try and explain to me why someone who loves me so much, who takes care of me and makes sure i’m always comfortable, who’s respectful and caring does not want to make love to me. i mean, he never cared whether i was having my monthly…all i had to do was kiss him and he would get turned on, now we don’t even kiss! i can go on… i’m confused and extremely frustrated!!! i’m thinking of leaving but i don’t want to loose a beautiful loving relationship! august 22, 2014, 11:46 pm bob hi frustrated i am by no means an expert at relationships, but i can offer this to you: i think that when you two were living part time, you and him both had separate time and space. when two people move in with each other, there is a huge risk of “smothering” each other. i know how it feels first hand. living with somebody full time is very different than part time. when someone is with you all the time, two things happen: 1.life becomes mundane (see “normal”): a visit from somebody is a treat that you look forward to. when someone is always available, it is no longer special occasion and is the same day in and day out. this takes work from both parties to make life exciting again. 2. both parties tend to get on each others nerves. this includes personal space and those little habits that are annoying to someone else. living together is not easy and takes adjustment. both parties will have to shift from single living to couple living. this tends to be especially hard for males, but can also be hard for females. september 10, 2014, 11:56 am very very frustrated do you have a update?! did it get better? i’m pretty much in the same situation. i’m on the verge of leaving, and i don’t want too. i do love him, but i have needs. 3 months no sex, i don’t think he’s cheating, he’s going to get his testorne checked, but omg is there hope? we still hug and cuddle, and he says he loves me all the time and pets my head, and holds my hand, but sexually i feel very alone. did yours get better? february 24, 2015, 1:36 am aamilah omg me five years in. i’m ready to leave. other than me questioning his sexuality ruining our relationship. shit, we got kids. i’m done. leave. i’ve been crying over the same shit for four years. its a selfish act yet weird to be in a relationship and not kiss. march 8, 2015, 3:43 pm justine babbitt aamilah, i just left my bf this week. 1 year together and last 6 months with nothing. i’m 36 hes 38. i’ve cried, begged, and pleaded with him. he has an excuse everytime. i’ve had enough. i love him, but you gotta love yourself enough to walk away. i don’t think he’s cheating, but it’s not my job to figure out anymore. if people can’t be honest with you, then stop wasting the pretty. a happy mom is a better mom. good luck march 23, 2016, 10:49 pm tay thank you. this helps so much. my boyfriend is exactly this way and feels rather useless and tells me he doesn’t know why i love him. i guess i really should give him space august 17, 2014, 3:15 am samantha hi im new here and i apologize. my boyfriend and i have only been dating for 6 or 7 months. its had its up and down but we have worked through things. we recently “took a break” and during that time my ex husband put me in the hospital with life threatening injures. (this could be the problem) but afterwords we had gotten back together. im the first relationship hes had in almost 10yrs and im half his age. we hardly ever have sex, and if we do its mainly ends up in a blowjob, and thats that. (which i guess i dont mind) but its only maybe twice a month and i almost have to beg for it, and watch alittle porn. (i know hes not cheating). but i dont know if its something im doing, or if hes not attracted to me. honestly ive gotten so self conscious now, im afraid to even take my shirt off during sex. we get along great, and always enjoy each others company, and im really trying to be patient and understanding about it, and i try not to pressure but its so frustrating. personally i donno what to think or do, i dont think im unattractive, at least i hope. im sorry for the mess. oh, and i also forgot to put that we found out 3 months ago that we are having a baby august 9, 2014, 11:12 am steven hey sam. i wanted to comment on your post, i suppose it’s a few months too late at this point, but i suppose better late than never huh? what your bf is experiencing is something similar to what i experienced with my gf, whom i love dearly. and i know she was worried with the same thing, in that she thought i no longer found her attractive. nothing could have been further from the the truth; i thought her to be exceedingly beautiful. i still do. but my problem was porn, as it seems like your boy’s maybe too. i don’t understand it, as i generally think porn is ok, and that most men use it, but for some, it inhibits our stimulation from normal sex. i don’t know why the hell that is, as, i’m sure you’d guess, sex with a real woman is 1000x’s better than with one’s hand and imagination or computer. so, i guess, well, i don’t know how to communicate that to him. he just needs to get to the point where he realizes that pornography is a problem, and that a real woman is the solution. i think so many of us have been single so long that when we get a real girlfriend we don’t even realize the goddess we have before us. i hope things have worked out for you sam, and that your baby is doing well. s october 23, 2014, 5:30 am sam hi steven, thanks for your comment, to be quiet honest i forgot i posted on here. the baby is doing great, and things are a lot better. i had to pack my bags before he realized what he was about to lose, and that was our turning point. my relationship couldn’t be better now.hes came to terms with being a father and is very excited (along with being a step father to my other two boys) but the whole porn thing didn’t get much better. i’m not against it, but i’ve always felt that there’s a certain point were enough is enough. i just decided to watch it with him. heck, don’t have anything to lose right. :) but yeah i really appreciate your comment thank you. its so much better to hear it from a guys point. october 23, 2014, 9:29 am candy i have been dating this guy for the last year and a half and recently our sex life has come to a complete halt and honestly i’m perplexed as to what is really going on! let me just start off with saying when we first started seeing each other the sex was amazing and the main focus of our relationship, however now we have not had sex in over four months! my guy has had me convinced that he had a medical issue and a lowered libido and even went to the doctor for this issue. with all test results normal and a clean bill of health we were stuck at square one and he says its stress and is going to make another doctors appointment to check again? will all that said our relationship has changed dramatically as far as the way he treats me in romantic gestures, and respect which breaks my heart. he does still tell me he loves me and cooks dinner most of the time i can say this much. lastly the thing i have found out recently that has caused me much pain and distrust and confusion is i have found recent history on his computer that he watches porn and does sex chats with girls frequently as he used to in the beginning of our relationship before any serious commitment and before i knew him. what i’m upset about is now i’m questioning his whereabouts, why we are not having sex if he can do this every day is he not interested in me? i have asked him about this and he denies it and gets very defensive and mad and says i’m a very attractive girl and it has nothing to do with me. please help i’m so confused!! june 18, 2014, 2:30 am amy i know men think it’s normal all men do it. however, the more a man is into porn and other chats and such the less he will value sex with his significant other, real research studies are proving this and even can be one of the causes of ed. google this and find out more. if it’s not a physical issue then it’s an emotional issue, or he’s so into porn that he can no longer value being with you which is sad but the way porn is all fantasy, reality doesn’t always live up to that. this is an increasing problem for men as they spending more time watching tv, porn, video games, they are getting decensitized to sex with real women and too much time masturbating too. august 6, 2014, 2:34 pm ani hi, i am new here. just want a suggestion as i am not sure what it is going to be. i had a relationship for 7 years on which my boyfriend cheated me for approx 3 years. it was a mistake and we went apart.still we thought of giving a second change and now decided to marry.i see a change of attitude in him. he is not comfortable with me physically. he says he doesn’t like all this and things will be fine after marriage. can you please suggest me what should i do? as i really love him and we want to get married but i don’t want the marriage to go in vain.please suggest. thanks, ani may 31, 2014, 4:09 am liv run, girl…and don’t look back. marriage doesn’t fix things or create love. there is no magic wand once you’re married. what was there before marriage will exist after marriage…good or bad. all the luck to you. i hope you find a man that rocks your world and feels like you rock his. xo august 6, 2014, 10:51 pm joy i have no question in my heart about how much my bf loves me. but even from the beginning he has had no real big interest in sex. even initially he wanted to wait until our first time so it could be “special”. but i rushed it on him. every time we do it it’s so short. and every time i do it he says he’s not interested and gets irritated when i’m aggressive with it, so i stopped trying. when confronted with it he tells me his insecurities about how he doesn’t feel sexy. which i get because when i don’t feel sexy… obviously i don’t want to do it. but 90% of the time he shuts me down. but he always tells me how undeniably sexy i am. i just don’t get it. may 7, 2014, 2:29 am lauren hi joy, have a very similar issue and was just looking for some advice if you’d found any? thanks :) september 22, 2014, 8:06 am liz i really need to know what does it mean when your boyfriend says he hasnt had sex with you because he hasnt been sexual? we have been together 4 months. he use to sleep at my house all the time. but he just stopped. we have had sex in over a month. im just confused. because we never have had an issue before. what could it be? please help me thank you april 22, 2014, 12:48 am lori when he broke up with me i said he was making a mistake, that i was going to miss him and that he broke my heart. to which he responded he will miss me too and also said he loves me ( was in love with me at one point). i told him i respect his decision although a mistake but that i was moving on… that was a week ago… have not spoken since… is there a chance of re-attracting him? he broke up with me cuz he lost physical attraction and chemistry i should also add his mother was diagnosed with cancer around the same time we started having problems february 9, 2014, 6:55 pm jen i feel like my man don’t want me anymore sexually december 29, 2013, 7:01 am feelingdoubtful i have been dating a guy for 3 years. when we met we immediately connected although people often have commented to me “i never would have put you two together”. he is into motorcycles an hot rod cars. has maybe worn a suit 3 times in his entire life and would be considered what most people stereo type as a blue collar worked. i am college educated, work in management, tend to dress a little classy or professional as some would call it. i dont have a “type” of guy. i take people for who they are and not the stereotype applied by others. when i met him he immediately intrigued me although i did not feel i was his type. he seemed to date biker chics and that wasnt me. from the very beginning we did not have a great sex life. after about 3 months we stopped having sex however at that time i didn’t realize i would be saying 3 years later we still do not had sex. of course i am asking the question many of you may be thinking “is he gay?” i have read until my eyes are poping out of my head on that question. he does not have any tendancies or any of the signs of being gay. when i have asked about the lack of sex many times he just blows it off and says he is tired but lately we had an argument about it and he said he was not sexually attracted to me… and never was. he looks at women all the time. he seems to have a type. the skinny trashy bar women. i’m not being ugly. that just seems to be the kind of women he always looks at. i am not skinny however i am not fat either. i am actually a very pretty woman. that is not being vain, only recognizing that men find me very attractive…blue eyes, blond hair, tall. etc. when i asked him why he had been with me this long and not sexually attracted to me he said “because i love you and i couldn’t imaging my life without you, but i cannot give you what your looking for. i am not sexually attracted to you”prior to me, my boyfriend has not been in many long term relationships. a friend of his actually commented when she met me for the first time that it was odd to see him with a woman because they rarely did. i am struggling with several questions. is he gay? should i ask him? is he really just not attracted to me but not gay? why would a guy be with a woman for 3 years and not attracted to her? september 23, 2013, 1:56 am explosivekittens i am sorry this happened to you! i would leave if he wasn’t attracted to me honestly. however if you want him to be attracted to you try dressing up like the girls he finds attractive for fun sometimes, try to make it work with him! get his interest and know that he could be attracted to you before you give up the relationship entirely! also i noticed in the beginning you said you don’t stereo type people but you continue to name several types and emphasize them with detail. maybe you need to rethink that considering you called the types of women he found attractive to be skinny trash :( you say you don’t want to be ugly, like you’re better than them or know them. try to be more open minded. especially if your bf finds them hot but you unattractive december 31, 2013, 3:34 pm ammy its been 6 yrs with me n my boyfriend n soon getttng married too .he use to enjoy sex alot but now its been more den year he doesn’t like doing it anymore.. but how can dis b possible he use to love sex..but now its zero …is he getting it sumwhr els..or wat …i tried everythng possible but hez not turnin on ..and ita creating lots of problems in r relationship…. wat is it its killin me insyd …;( is it he’ll never like doin it wid me anymore… or wattt …. i tried talkin to him but he never answer me well …pls help wat shud i do september 19, 2013, 5:06 pm sg grammar and english lessons would be a good start november 6, 2013, 9 :06 pm explosivekittens i’m sure it’s the coolidge effect, look into it. pretty depressing for us women but it answers all our questions and it exists. men’s libidos lower the more they have sex with the same partner… sex with that partner seems less and less like dinner and an expensive restaurant and more like a mcdonald’s burger. every women but you starts looking delectable. and if you were to be replaced his libido would sky rocket again with the new partner. you can try to fix or slow the process by spicing it up, doing something kinky and what not. december 31, 2013, 3:41 pm missy i have a similar problem with my boyfriend. we have been dating almost a year and half and at first when he lived in his apartment we had sex all the time. well, now he’s moved back in with his parents and i’ve had to move there temporarily due to certain circumstances and now we are lucky if we do it once every month to 2 months. it hurts me because when we do have privacy and the time he doesn’t want to due to he’s “always” tired and says that sex doesn’t mean everything. i’ve tried everything and he still doesn’t make a move and says he’s tired and just wants to relax. it hurts my self esteem and i’m beside myself with this. i understand he is tired, but he almost never wants to kiss, touch, or have sex with me. am i doing something wrong? june 23, 2013, 9:09 pm jessica i am having the same problem my bf was in a horrible relationship for along time and now is in a nasty custody battle with his ex. he is also on methadone for his back and the combination of both has left us never having sex. i am becoming bitter and am starting to hate him. july 7, 2013, 5:49 pm jd whats wrong with these guys, i know how you feel girls anytime i try and talk avbout it i get abused like im some sort of sex fiend!!! im in it the otherway round, been with my girl 4.5yr first person to make her orgasim with intercourse and i give her monster orgasim lick outs,which i love doing and seeing her explode so hard we had amazing sex for 2-3years, like pick her up in the air in her bikini and do it hard against the wall, in the shower bath tub, all over the room, in a rom full of sleeping people now ifeel like im lyingawake staring at the ceiling…and get rejeted all the time im fit, gota huge paying job, provide for her, take her away, dinners, dresses, fancy car, nights out, i can cook and clean, pick her up from work, got our nails done together!! its the most horrible feeling in the world..and no imput financially or emotionally/sexully now we have our own apartment and no kids yet….we should never wear clothes she is hot and attractive, slim, long blonde hair petite she has no fantasy, no adventure, its not porn just fun and sharing each other and it feels so good she complains any position otherthen mission hurts and she wont try anything i cant get any oral at all at all ladies any advice, i dream of a lady with a compatabile sex drive….. i feel bad to think this is abasis for a breakup, imagine how bad itwould be with kids… august 16, 2013, 12:15 am mb have u fixed your situation then??im stuck here trying to find solution too since i love my bf too much but it hurts when someone u love turns u down… im doing everything i can and can do for him but im tired of having the first move all the time… we do have a child together.. and ive always been sexually active he knew how i am too when we dated b ut i know things change but i would accept all changes but not this..i know in a relationship it can be like this.. my friend told me that sometimes its not just about making love anymore about how you are when youre with him… well ive been with my guy for 7years now.. but for you do what your heart shouts for so u wont regret things and have a happy heart.. so your thoughts wont wander around in the end june 21, 2016, 8:13 pm lost and confused my boyfriend and i have been together for about a year and a half. i was actually 6 months pregnant when we began dating. (yes i know it is weird). he made my pregnancy a beautiful experience and i love him very much however, for the past 9 months weve had sex maybe 5 times. he doesnt really show me much intimacy anymore (i.e. holding, hugging, kissing) anytime i ask for sex he turns me down and complains. we have not had sex in 2 months this time and when i apporached him about the subject he said “im sorry that you need something physical to validate your exsistance.” he ususally makes it seem like i am a crazed sex addict. i could see myself marrying him in the future if only he would be intimate with me. he actually had my finger sized about a week and a half ago. he can be a hard person to talk to when it comes to constructive critisism. june 10, 2013, 4:23 pm mel i don’t say this lightly because its happened to me but this guy is belittling you. the chances are he is either gay or just not a nice person. i suggest you have couples therapy before considering any sort of future with him. june 16, 2013, 6:14 am tanya thank you eric charles for such insightful advice that doesn’t fall into the sensationalized male stereotypes. my bf & i have been together a little over a year & he has never seemed that much into sex, but at least at first he seemed more into wanting to do it. but generally i always initiate & i feel like i have to beg. he’s older than me, but he has a lot of energy. he’s an artist & a drummer. i’ve told him if he put the amount of energy & passion in our sex as he does into drumming i would love that! however, he struggles financially & seems to always be stressed out/worrying about money. but he can seem to be really happy & upbeat & wanting to party, but still not want to have sex. its just so odd to me. he’s sensitive. so am i but i’m more grounded. it just makes me feel more like a friend/sister sometimes than a lover. but he tells me he loves me & that he definitely doesn’t want me to get with other guys. it just makes me feel more like the guy & he’s more like the girl when it comes to sex. he “complains” that sex isn’t everything/important & when i want to have sex he says he’s not a “sex slave”. that hurts because i would hope he would want to have sex with me. however, i’ve noticed recently that if i don’t pressure him to have sex & just talk & laugh with him for hours & let it happen naturally, he’s more into it, somewhat. but he still makes a point to let me know that its something that i need & he’s doing it because i need it. but sex is something to share together. i truly love him & we are best friends. i don’t ask him for anything except to spend time together & to show love. i don’t ask him to buy me things or take me places. just simple time doing free things & he still says i’m “demanding”. i’m “demanding” because i want to have sex & just be with the man i love. i assume its because of the stress from financial problems, esp being an artist without a normal, regular income, job. may 27, 2013, 6:28 am tanya and to add to my comment, he’s a chain smoker, drinks & smokes pot everyday. that may have something to do with it as well. yet, he will make sexual comments sometimes & look at porn, so i know he has a sex drive. i just wish he would take it out on me, which is what would be normal in a healthy relationship. and i’m very opposite of him. i barely drink, don’t smoke or do drugs. he says he thinks the relationship is going very well & just gets better. so would you say this all comes down to not feeling worthy because of financial problems? may 27, 2013, 6:34 am lora hi my name lora, me and my boyfriend of a year an half relationship. we have a baby together, she is ten months old with downs. we haven’t had sex for almost one year an two months. i have cought him talking an texting with other females. he even bought a phone an would hide it. i found it several times, now with out him knowing i have found out he leaves work early sometimes an goes to visit someone for about ten to fifteen minutes. he talks to them when he is at work. he takes out money every week abou forty dollars. i know so much but i do not let him know of how much i know. if he doesn’t desire me anymore why is he always coming back. what keeps him telling me lies after lies, he always tells me that he loves us both. he tells me he will never leave, he talks about buy a home for us. for what if he doesn’t even desire me as a woman. yes i did ask him why he didn’t want to have sex with me anymore. he started te make excuses after excuses, he even said he was so fat. he is tired from working so much. but yet he jacks of every time he goes takes a shit. he talks to other women. he akways deletes the web pages from his phone. why does he is he doing this to me. oh an what ever i want he buys me. please … may 13, 2013, 8:57 am pat i have been with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half, he has always had an issue with sex, and how often we do it. he always makes excusses why we do not make love often, he says that maybe he needs to see a doctor as he may have low testostrone, but does nothing about it. i have noticed that he has several sex porn sites that he is a member with, so does that mean he does not like me?? . on the odd occassion that we do have sex, which can maybe a week, two or three times in a mnth he only has very basic sex, no oral, touching, just intercourse. am i feeling sad over nothing, or has my boyfriend got an issue. may 2, 2013, 1:34 pm mel it could be an issue… could it be he finds it easier to watch porn and masturbate where there may be no expectations? why dont you ask him to watch porn together, maybe he needs something to help boost him up and he has relied on porn for that for the past few years. start from there and see how it goes. u have every right to feel the way you are feeling. but it is not you it is him. may 4, 2013, 11:45 am mandisa mkhwanazi my boyfriend and i have been. dating for 4years. we dnt live together but i see him often. i usually see him after work. when i’m in the mood for sex he would always say his had a long day. he never wants to have sex anymore. ne yapmalıyım? february 24, 2013, 9:20 pm dani apparently my feelings on this subject are common. my marriage is being affected by its lack of intimacy due to my husvand’s low sexual desire for me. this causes me to feel many negative feelings about myself and has been the source of many sleepless nights and bouts of depression. i see now other women feel this way too and it validates what i already know-sex is important in a relationship and each person deserves have their needs met. i am not being selfish and have a right to be upset. he knows how much it hurts me that he doesn’t give me any sexual attention anymore but stilvcontinues to brush me off and not even give me a second look if i come out wearing a sexy outfit. he has watched me cry and tell him how ugly i must be now that he can’t even force himself to pleasure me. i need touch,i need sex. i need to feel loved and that is the way i feel loved. something has to change bc this is causing our whole marriage problems. i tie it to everything going on in our marriage. i refuse to live like this much longer. i don’t want to be stuck miserable in life. we’ve been married 12 years and he is my everything which is why i would never cause him this pain over and over knowingly. november 13, 2012, 11:30 am hayley my bf and i have been together for about 4 1/2 years. sex has never really been on the agenda and with me insigating it most of the time. we have lived togather for over 2 years now and sex might happen every 3 months. i have talked and talked with him about how i feel and what he is feeling. he is a blokey bloke and doesn’t really talk about ‘feelings’. i have cried. i even got him crying wehen i said i couldn’t deal with it anymore and was going to cool things down and move out for a while till he figured out what he really wanted from this relationship. i stayed. i could walk around the house in sexy underwear or naked/ we could watch porn together and he’ll still barely look at me. i’m 5’9″ slim build. i don’t consider myself unattractive but i do when we are together. i look at him and admire him and tell him he’s gorgeous. he always says i am ‘too’. i have to initiate compliments. i’m exhausted, mentally, and crying again, because i feel as though i am ‘nagging’ him or whatever men like to call it. i’m sure he is over the ‘talks’. i feel ugly and unattractive. last time we made love/ had sex, we were intoxicated. again last night, intoxicated. does he have to be drunk to want me now? i want him to want me like i want him. i feel like i’ve tried everything. p.s, i also work full time and keep the ‘pretty house’ etc, although he probably cooks more than me? he also works full time as a builder. any suggestions. october 12, 2012, 8:14 pm hayley oh, he did say that he just wasn’t ‘fussed’ on sex. that it isn’t really a big deal to him. i have eased off the ‘talks’, and nothing changed. he couldn’t even make the effort for me. october 12, 2012, 8:18 pm sabine girls, all of you: just stop!!!! stop overcompensating, stop overfunctioning, stop trying to make it work, just stop! take a deep, deep breath. exhale. and take a step back. let go. men are the one who want to hunt, who want to conquer you. you, my dear friends, have become easy and overfunctioning. please, girl? you massage him after work, you cook, you do all the housework? you are the perfect little darling housewife. please…. do not be that! you owe it to yourself. do not be that. remember: what is it that fascinates you? what is it that makes you happy? how do you feel as well? really take care of yourself. feel your feelings completely. let him know in: “i feel…. ” statements, trying to keep it to yourself so not like: ” i feel you are abandoning me”. but, “i feel alone..”. then focus on what fascinates you, get a hobby, find a source of joy, date yourself! or date nice handsome men (no sex), flirt with the guy at the supermarket, buy yourself or make or rearrange some new clothes, visit friends you haven’t seen in a while: take care of you. and while you are at it, get yourself a mind blowing sex toy and start watching or reading or writing any kind of erotica and perhaps porn (although this is a bit too mind numbing) for your own personal pleasure. so become more self sufficient, radiant, happy, without expecting your man to do this for you, but communicating your feelings in utmost intimacy. men do not want the “perfect little darling housewife”, they want : you. just you, in all your vulnerability, in all your sadness, happiness, joy and pain. that’s why they married you. so stop hiding yourself away with your good behavior and talk, be intimate with each other. intimacy is the best and only real september 12, 2012, 3:41 am sabine intimacy is the best precursor to adult sex. men need to be kept sharp, kept a bit vague about your feelings for them, enchant them with your falling back and let your man come after you. september 12, 2012, 3:44 am hayley when i stepped back we got more distant from eachother. he didn’t come ‘running’. october 12, 2012, 8:16 pm ... iv written on this previousley regarding the same problem as everyone else my bf was so neglective and un sexual it tore me apart i didn’t know if he wasn’t attracted to me any more, if he was cheating. he told me he just wasn’t sexual, stressed with work money tired the usual excuses but i split with him when it had been 6 months and we had only had sex once and that was only because i had gone on about it for so long he gave in. i couldn’t take it any more not being able to talk to him about it and when i did he smashed the house up saying i had made him do it. i just want everyone to know who is going through what i did that you don’t and shouldn’t grin and bare with it they won’t change! iv met someone else and he is what dreams are made of. after i split with my ex i found out he had given me an sti so i assume he was cheating on me since we where both tested before we started dating. if your man won’t show you love and affection that you do deserve then he’s not worth your love! please don’t let him make you think it’s ok and that it’s your fault it’s not it’s theirs you deserve to be untainted with your partner and it’s not weird to want to be touched so split with them as soon as because mr right is out there maybe you just havnt noticed him yet because your mind is so full with how neglected ugly unwanted and unloved he makes you feel. good luck ladies i hope if you choose to stay he changed and if your brave to leave like i was it can only get better without him! x september 9, 2012, 2:40 pm jenny i googled “why isn’t he having sex with me?” and this came up. this makes me understand a lot more of what might be going through his mind. i mean i was starting to feel very unattractive. here’s a little back story. my boyfriend and i have been together for almost two years we love each other very much and we have a five and half month old. he works a very demanding job and he always comes home exhausted. there will be a week where like this one we haven’t had sex in almost a week. and the same like others he’ll only have sex with me to shut me up and then i won’t have sex with him because i know that’s the only reason. i have tried to pawn it off on age we’re eight years apart. i just had a baby so i feel it’s my body. i’m told all the time that i’m pretty and attractive but there are times that i feel like the ugliest woman in the world. i guess at the end of the day could it really be that his exhaustion is a factor? i mean even if i’m completely exhausted i still want him. i constantly remind him how gorgeous i think he is and maybe i shouldn’t because i don’t want to make his head big. oh i just wanted to add i’m a stay at home mother. i cook, clean, take care of our son. and when he gets home and the baby is down i scratch his back or massage him. make sure that he’s comfortable always. i honestly don’t know what else to do. his sex drive is so limited most the time. i mean i’ll ask him and he always says the same thing ” baby i’m tired” it just makes me want to cry. so i’ll pretend that it doesn’t bother me and say ok go to bed good night and scratch his back. ugh i don’t like feeling so rejected. i guess most of this was to vent. i’m a little embarrassed to talk about this to my friends. writing this down kind of makes me feel ridiculous because i truly want to just believe its his exhaustion but could it be something else? september 9, 2012, 1:09 pm zoe i am going through the same exact thing. people tell me i am beautiful all the time, but all i want is my man to be the way he was the first year of our relationship (we’ve been together for 4 years now). after the third year, he just stopped wanting me. i try to role-play, dress sexy, talk dirty… he just kind of smirks and looks uncomfortable. i give him massages after work too… i know he’s tired and his back hurts. i make him breakfast, wash his clothes. i feel like i can’t be a better girlfriend. don’t i deserve some pleasure too? and it’s really embarassing to talk to him about it, bc it makes me sound like i’m begging, when i should be the one smirking at him. september 11, 2012, 8:17 pm sabine girls, all of you: just stop!!!! stop overcompensating, stop overfunctioning, stop trying to make it work, just stop! take a deep, deep breath. exhale. and take a step back. let go. men are the one who want to hunt, who want to conquer you. you, my dear friends, have become easy and overfunctioning. please, girl? you massage him after work, you cook, you do all the housework? you are the perfect little darling housewife. please…. do not be that! you owe it to yourself. do not be that. remember: what is it that fascinates you? what is it that makes you happy? how do you feel as well? really take care of yourself. feel your feelings completely. let him know in: “i feel…. ” statements, trying to keep it to yourself so not like: ” i feel you are abandoning me”. but, “i feel alone..”. then focus on what fascinates you, get a hobby, find a source of joy, date yourself! or date nice handsome men (no sex), flirt with the guy at the supermarket, buy yourself or make or rearrange some new clothes, visit friends you haven’t seen in a while: take care of you. and while you are at it, get yourself a mind blowing sex toy and start watching or reading or writing any kind of erotica and perhaps porn (although this is a bit too mind numbing) for your own personal pleasure. so become more self sufficient, radiant, happy, without expecting your man to do this for you, but communicating your feelings in utmost intimacy. men do not want the “perfect little darling housewife”, they want : you. just you, in all your vulnerability, in all your sadness, happiness, joy and pain. that’s why they married you. so stop hiding yourself away with your good behavior and talk, be intimate with each other. intimacy is the best and only real sabine september 12, 2012 at 3:44 am intimacy is the best precursor to adult sex. men need to be kept sharp, kept a bit vague about your feelings for them, enchant them with your falling back and let your man come after you. september 12, 2012, 3:45 am jenny i don’t think we ever said we did all the housework. and on top of that i understand that you’re trying to give “advice” but maybe you should try again. i don’t mean to offend or insult but we did not come here to get advice from a feminist it seems. i don’t mind being that”darling little housewife” as you’ve come to nickname us. i may not be having as much sex as i’d like to but my relationship as a whole is wonderful. my boyfriend is a hardworking man and doesn’t deserve to come home to a dirty home. if it were the other way around he would do the same. like i said before you give advice maybe you should think twice before you write because it could be taken as an insult. im sorry if i’m mistaken but i highly doubt that you’re in a relationship or have been in a long enough relationship to give “advice”. thanks anyways sabine really but i didn’t take any of your words as good “advice”. september 13, 2012, 4:22 pm jenny have you ever talked to him about it? i would. i have. i think you’ll be able to catch if he’s lying about something. you have been together for 4 years. i haven’t been asking for it anymore i haven’t been trying to do anything sexy. i keep myself distracted with my son or with anything possible. and it’s helped a lot. i always knew he loved me but i felt so ignored especially since i had my son not to long ago so i was worried my body was gross to him after. sometimes i thought he might’ve been cheating but there’s really no way between working and always coming home to our son and myself. there’s no time for it. what i would do is look at what he does (work wise) maybe he really is just tired. or like eric said maybe he’s stressing about bills, or work, or maybe even family. good luck zoe i hope it all works out for you. i’m sure it will. september 13, 2012, 4:11 pm nicole well, at least i can watch porn until my boyfriend comes to his senses. i’d really prefer him but i’m going crazy when he wont give himself to me. if i talk to him i’m “complaining” so i’m not gonna talk to him about it anymore. he will sometimes do something with me if i pretty much beg and i think it’s to get me to be quiet, and then the sex sucks because i feel like he doesn’t want me and is only doing it because i begged him to like a pathetic bitch :( . i’m so tired of getting shot down every single time i come on to him, it hurts a lot to get rejected like that. but i guess i’ll just back off and i’ll do my thing and he can do his. august 21, 2012, 11:32 pm sabine i know how much it hurts, i in my current situation would almos recommend to start seeing other people. screw those men who can’t deal with it. let them work for you september 12, 2012, 3:50 am alexis i enjoyed reading this article and my problem is similar to the others. the only difference is what do i do when i already have talked to my fiance about these issues and nothing happens? we’ve been together for a year and a half now and our first year was amazing. sex every day. then after our 1 year anniversary, it was sex a few times a week (i was fine with that). then it was maybe twice a week (still fine). next it was once a week (now i’m worried…) now its once a month. i’m the type of person who will only have sex with someone i love and trust so i would never cheat. spice things up? i have one big bag of outfits and another bag of.. well sex stuff (edible things, oils, etc.). we still love each other deeply and i can’t picture life without him, but now i don’t know what to do. i go to the gym a few times a week, i cook and clean, and we don’t fight. i don’t know what to do. help please…. july 31, 2012, 4:39 pm sean what a bunch of selfish bitches, honestly most of the comments are me, me , me or i, i, i..related, no sex is not the end of the world, grow up children. july 18, 2012, 12:03 pm beebs it’s a relationship question and answer site you doofus! people ask a question about their life. sex is a great and important thing in a reltionship, so no they are not children – you are! august 22, 2012, 4:56 pm si i and me are important in a relationship as well. just grow up children, what kinda chauvinistic thing is that to say? just go die in a hole under the ground september 12, 2012, 3:47 am ellen i dont believe anyone ing to this guy is making an impact with namecalling, etc this is open to anyone with internet access to write how they feel. its not personal, or directed at one person only,and it is not your boyfriend therefore not the one to channel your frustrations towards. keep on keepin on, ladyfingers october 31, 2013, 1:32 am bella question? how are these women considered bitches to you when the only reason they are writing on this site is to know what is the reason why their man is not interested in sex anymore? why would a man consider them to be bitches if they want to do what every man is supposed to be crazy about doing? these women are saying that when they want to please their man, they get rejected. how does that make them a bitch? just curious december 23, 2014, 2:10 am amy i dont know where to began with the problems in my relationship, but id really like to fix this, we have been dating for a year 6monnths, and since the start there has been problems such as talking to girls without me knowing ( in a sexual way ) meeting up with chicks and when id call him he’d say that they are his friends girlfriends even when i was pregnant he would meet up with girls and then come home to me and act like nothing was wrong. and now all he wants to do is play a game, everyday all day. i try and talk to him about this but it always ends up in a fight. i have no idea how to fix this and what to do. or just to move on because he isn’t showing me any attention.. please help… july 4, 2012, 9:48 am beebs he is disrespectful and you need better for yourself and your child. be strong and move on. he is walking all over you. august 22, 2012, 4:58 pm thepianist eric- would this also apply to a man who’s losing his house and even a death in the family? and if he does break up with his gf, do you think she should take him back? i was told that if a man gives up the woman he loves once, he’ll do it again. june 21, 2012, 2:03 am amy we have been married for 45 years and it has been a horrible marriage. were only married on paper, physically we aren’t married at all. since our wedding night there hasn’t been any sex,intimacy, communication, love, togetherness just plain nothing.. husband sleeps down stairs in the basement in his own lonely world, i have the upstairs. all these years and i haven’t figured out what went wrong, this confusion drives me crazy. he won’t talk to me and if i try to talk to him he ignores me and walks away. i haven’t the means to leave, i have no kids, and my friends won’t take me in. there isn’t enough money for both of us to separate. i think we would both end up sleeping under a bridge some where down town. may 18, 2012, 11:18 pm hayley that sounds awful. and why won’t your friends take you in. no family/ siblings etc. what a nasty man. i think leaving him would be the only option. take 1/2. or maybe just submitting the devorce papers will give him a huge fright. he sounds like the scary man from the basement and one day he’ll crack. get out of there…now! anything has to be better than that and why put up with it for 45 years!!!!! october 12, 2012, 7:58 pm keria hi i been with my boyfriend for 3 years now we will soon be parents it seems like all he wants to do is hang with his cousins or his friends everytime i go over his house their over there he’ll leave me there to be with them. it seems like when he is ready to be around me than he will call and i really don’t like it this is all the time what to do i don’t want to be with him and his friends or cousins? may 14, 2012, 12:07 am carole hi ive been with dave for nearly 3years we had a sex life up until around xmas to when he got laid off work he has his own place and i stay at his often , he told me his lack in wanting sex wasnt because he didnt love me or that he found me unattractive or that he was seeing anyone else he just says he doesnt feel like it !! yet he will flaunt infront of me sometimes tease me then come bed time nothng by which ive built my hopes up , he is now back in a job and is back to his usual self apart from this not feeling like sex with me , its really upsetting me and is affecting our relationship , i know he wont go and seek help , he doesnt have a problem with erections at all as he often teases me through the night but never carries it through he isnt even trying other ways to relieve me of frustration :( however he tells me all the time he loves me and that he doesnt want anybody else …… please help me im getting so depressed and i feel worthless and useless , i dont want anybody else either just him . april 26, 2012, 7:15 am chris heya i seem to have the same problem as your man,i love my gf,love cuddles etc dont want anyone else but all of a sudden i dont feel like sex and i dont know why so dont take it as something you have done wrong! april 26, 2012, 9:41 pmcarole thank you chris so much for ing , i am finding this quite emotional to deal with , its made me feel slightly better knowing that there are others out there that feel the same as my fella does and its comforting that you have said that i shouldnt take this as if ive done something wrong to make him feel this way . big hugs babes hope we both get on the right tracks soon before i go crazy xxxx april 27, 2012, 4:44 am myname sabine, i would love to know what your definition of cheating is…. also, what makes you think you have to be married to someone to be genuinely committed to them.. november 15, 2012, 12:29 am mandy my husband hasn’t wanted anything to do with me for 40 plus years. everything was fine until i said i do and we had sex once. from that point until now its been all down hill he cancelled our honey moon, decided to start working midnights, with weekends mid week. moved all his things down stairs and set up house keeping. also he worked all his vacation days, and all the holidays so he didn’t have to buy me something or be with me and our families. we have never went out together after we were married. i have friends who don’t even know i’m married. it took awhile to accept the fact that this is the way my life should be. i’ve only had sex once no affection or intimacy. my dream is that someone would just hold me so i could cry. why i stayed with this person, i really don’t know. i know i didn’t want to embarasse myself and our families. december 27, 2011, 5:12 pm hayley he shoukld be embarrassed. i have a feeling that for that era and time, hmosexulity was taboo. haveyou asked him if he i gay? he works nights or stays at his byfriends house? get in contact with amy (above). this sounds more common than i thought. october 12, 2012, 8:02 pm mandy hayley: my husband isn’t gay or have some little slut on the side. i’ve talked to his boss and he hasn’t missed a day of work. i’ve also had him followed many time and there isn’t anything out of normal. his average work week is around is 75-80 hours of work, he does work on weekends and all holidays. when hes not working he does yard work, paint the house and his garage and his spare time he works in his shop or on one of his cars. i’ll never forgive myself for not leaving, but i have accepted my life for what it is. january 13, 2014, 12:21 am josephine this has been a great read for me, i have been with my bf for about a year now, he was always abit of a player when i met him tho he seems to have somehow settle with me, were very much in love and get along extremely well. though like many of the articles here he started off all strong and passionate and lately has really cooled down, were still close to eachother though he doesnt seem to have the sex drive he did when we first met. yes as the previous articles states i believe it may be due to stress as he did recently change jobs so this may be more on his mind, though im scared that maybe he needs that excitement… something new. i hate feeling rejected like everyone else, and have actually started to give up on trying to have sex. hoping that things will change and pass. we have spoken about this and he said he had this problem before when he was in a previous relationship with another girl after a few months. i honestly dont know what to do, i enjoy his company so much i dont want to lose him, he said he still finds me attractive and is happy with me. i try to keep things spicy though its hard when the other person seems content without much sex. he still watches porn…. so what is it?? december 26, 2011, 1:25 pm llama so glad i have read this article. i went away to america for a few weeks a couple of weeks ago, my partners sex drive had seemed to be waning a bit before i went, but seems to have gotten worse since i got back. he messaged me every day i was away to tell me he missed me and all the dirty things he wanted to do to me when i got back, but when i got back, it only seemed to last a couple of days before his libido dropped again. he says it isn’t me, that he doesn’t want to watch porn or do anything else like that, and he isn’t looking or interested in anyone else. he is always very affectionate, he just doesn’t seem to have much drive when it comes to sex. he says he has no idea what the problem is either, or why he has lost his drive but it is cutting me up believing it is something i have done or how i look and making him upset that i am sad- which i don’t want to do as i think it will exasperate the situation. the problem is, i don’t know what to do from here, do i keep making an effort, dressing niceley and trying to wear sexy outfits to entice him, (and suffer the sting rejection brings- lets face it- ouch!) or do i just step back and wait for him to make a move? (could i wait forever?!) we have been together just under a year and love each other to pieces still, i know he doesn’t particularly love his job, and he has a 3 year old kid from a previous relationship which means we don’t get to spend much quality time together at the weekends- evenings only, and which means he is quite busy- but this has been the case since i have met him- if anything- he has more money and time now than he did back then. any advice would be truly appreciated. llama x december 5, 2011, 12:41 pm eric charles quick answer: stress and feeling like he’s not on top of his game can kill his desire for sex. . the biological underpinning is that stress lowers testosterone… google around on the effects of stress and impotence for men. without diving into the deep psychological guts, the easiest answer is to aim towards finding ways to put him at ease and feel more like a winner in his life in general. . in nature, “losing” is synonymous with stress. the monkeys at the bottom of the social chain are way more stressed – they face more dangers and risks and the elevated stress crashes their sex drive to rock bottom. . from a biological standpoint, he might be a modern man… but in caveman days his stress levels mirror being that bottom-rung male. . understanding stress, testosterone and sex drive is where you should look in addition to what you see here. . some guys (myself included) feel stress very deeply and internally can make mountains out of molehills. from a stress standpoint, that can shoot testosterone down quick… . but feeling like a winner, being stress-free and happy with life in general… will have him feeling like a teenager again. diet, exercise and weight-lifting can help too – it helped me a lot with this issue. december 5, 2011, 6:32 pm stephanie i found this helpful to a point. my boyfriend and i have been together for almost 5 years now. in the first couple years things were great, we have both wonderful passionate sex and hit sex with role play, it was so exciting to find new things we both liked. of course it cooled off some during the next couple years, but there was still great sex. now the problem, it started just like the women previously said, i was always the one asking an getting shut down, and the few times he gave in seemed like it was out of putty. i really tried to be patient, figured he was having self esteem issues but it just didn’t seem to end. i would go throw 1 or 2 month periods of trying to turn him on, then trying to be patient, but it just didn’t seem to blow over. we’ve talked about it a few times, and he always made sure to assure me it’s not me keeping his sex drive down. more recently (about 4 months ago) i noticed there were always porn sights on the computer. not saying anything i then noticed him taking the computer in the bathroom with him when he would “shower” somethimes a few times a day. i felt cursed but i felt it would be rude (for lack of a better word) of me to express my jealousy since we’ve always been open and okay with it. now about a month ago he seemed to get it back. not much changed in our lives but he just seemed so much more self assured. it lasted for about a week, then back to the old routine. and now when i went onto our shared computed there was an e-mail conversation with this girl he met on an online game. she had sent him pictures in her underwear, and they seemed to have deep conversations. the type we used to have. but he was lying to her. he told her we were together but completely lied about our relationship, making up arguments we never had to somehow justify talking to her the way he was. i don’t know what to make of all this. i don’t mean to have a big ego but this girl is very unatractive. i feel ashamed to even type this. he’s never been the cheating type. he seems to have a fine sex drive, just not for me. our relationship is pretty great otherwise. i’m not perfect but i really try to make him happy, but now i’m wondering if i’m not waiting my time. i want to tell him all this but i don’t know how to begin, and even if we did talk what would it change? is it possible for me to get the man i love back, or even a little of his interest? january 26, 2012, 2:39 am stephanie i’m sorry there are a lot of mistakes in there, i was typing very fast on an iphone january 26, 2012, 2:48 am josephine the best thing to do here i think is talk to him…. by keeping it in wont do any good for the relationship… he may continue talking to this woman and deep down you may even resent him for it. doesnt mean you need to argue about this, but perhaps asking him why he may be online so much for? and ask him if he is talking to somebody else and if so why does he feel the need to do this? watching porn often and talking to another woman may infact be one of the reasons why his sex drive has reduced. anyway wish you all the best. january 26, 2012, 6:35 am lysa seriously…the best article ever. i really thought i was losing my mind…i’m in a long distance relationship with a man who has a lot on his plate…kids…stressful job, etc…sometimes, we only see each other once a month, and, i wonder…why aren’t we ripping away at each other? with 4 kids between us, it’s a challenge anyways…but, i thought he simply wasn’t attracted to me anymore…thank you for this perspective. november 29, 2011, 4:53 pm eric charles glad you found it helpful – thanks for the compliments. :) november 29, 2011, 6:21 pm chris heya,im on the other side of the story here 31 male and is used to be a bit of a mad sex fiend when i was younger,settled down a bit now and have an awesome girlfriend who i think is the “one”but work has got a bit slow and im not really that interested in sex much and quite happy to just snuggle….end up making excuses like im to tired etc not sure what to tell my girlfriend without her thinking im not attracted to her november 27, 2011, 8:43 pm eric charles hey man, . rather than search for excuses for how to let her down easy when you don’t want sex… it’s better for the relationship if you put the focus on giving her pleasure and making her feel your devotion to her through connecting with her sexually. . i mean, think about it – do you really want to be one of those couples that just… winds down? and then a year or two later you wonder where the attraction went? the spark? the lust? . i get where you’re coming from, don’t get me wrong. but in the long run, you’ll regret the times when she was ready and wanting you and, instead of making an investment into the relationship, you rolled over and passed out. . i had a relationship like this once. great girl. amazingly hot. but… i was so exhausted from working all day, then working another job at night that i just wanted to zone out in front of a movie and then pass out. i didn’t want to put in effort, i just wanted relief from my daily stress and exhaustion. . it was a mistake… the passion disappeared from the relationship and things fell apart. if i had made making her feel good a priority, things would have been a lot better. . but it is what it is… if you think this girl is “the one”, then invest in the relationship whenever you can… because relationship bankruptcy is an ugly picture my man. . good luck and hope it helps. november 27, 2011, 9:38 pm imaniazure i’m so glad i read this article. it’s 4:08 a.m . and i’m literally laying in bed furious! my bf and i just had an intimate encounter and he tells me afterwards he wants to save himself for marriage -____- . we’ve been together 8 months now and talking for over a year. it’s not like we started in the relationship with this “no sex before marriage” concept so why change now?? but reading your article made sense to me in a way because he was recently fired from his job and he’s trying to get back on his feet. i really hope he changes his mind on the whole thing honestly november 19, 2011, 4:13 am eric charles you’re welcome – yeah, i can’t stress enough the effect “feeling like a loser” has on a guy. when a guy doesn’t feel on top of his game, he wants to hide away from the world. . ironically, the men who are most capable and most brilliant also tend to set the highest standards for themselves and are often the hardest on themselves… not many women are aware of this and take it personally… november 19, 2011, 10:43 am poppy i agree, a great article on a really tricky and confusing subject. as women we’re told that men are always up for sex so it’s so difficult not to take it personally when they’re not. i’ve recently been seeing a great guy who is in a very stressful life situation all round (it became that way shortly after we met) to do with residency, school and finances plus exhaustion from working double shifts 6 days a week. we connected strongly and he has told me he loves me but sex is a real non-event with him focusing all his energy on trying to remain in the country and get everything sorted first. he’s a very masculine, ‘traditional’ kind of guy and i know it’s really very difficult for him. this has really helped me understand what may be going on . thanks again. :) november 1, 2014, 6:46 am cf hi this site has been so helpfull. i know my situation isnt as bad as some of the above but it has been tough especially since i have never experianced this before. i have been with my bf for 7 months now we moved in after only 2 months i love him with all my heart and i know he loves me. he is a very secretive person quiet keeps to himeslf but when we got togoether he was also a bit of a sex hound witch i didnt complain about. but for over two months im lucky if he kisses me. i feel so unwated unatractive and he says it stress with work but i feel angrey when he says this as i have just as much stress and he has agreed i have bigger worries and i still want to make love with him? my heart is breaking i feel i could cope better if he atleast tryed to show me afection in bed and then it not work but its like he has dicided he is defeated and given up on it not thinking that its a big issue. anyways what i want to know is how can this be fixed iv spoken with him but he just argues with me iv waited without speaking and nothing, iv said for him to see someone to get help but he refuses says he will do it himself but dosnt know how long it will take. how long should i wait? everything i try has failed? and the thought of loosing him hurts even more? please help im out of ideas? november 18, 2011, 2:47 pm lily_bashir please i need ur helppppp !!!! hello all, first of all i am a female,20 yrs…. i’ve been with my boyfriend 5 years :).. and we are really having fun together, and he loves me so much and i do ofcourse.. 2 years, he asked me to do sex with him, so we did it but lately he didn’t want he kept giving me excuses like um tired , i want to sleep,….etc and i felt like an idiot because i was the one who asked, second because i was rejected.. i rlly at this time feel so bad. i miss him .. i really do. and the surprise, is that he doesn’t want that as we are not a married couple.. so he said ” let’s don’t do it.. that’s better,,we are not married” .. so i ignored the story and i stopped asking him to do sex, after a couple of weeks he asked me to do it and i said yess !!!!! and after then i asked him he told me no and he said “i do miss u too, but let’s just forget about it..that’s better.”..and the story goes on like this..untill now i am the one who asked lately and he refused.. so why did u ask me last time ???????? i am lost ! i dun know anything !!!!!! my questions: does he refuse as we are not married ? does he refuse coz i asked him (i mean if i just ignore he may come and ask me like he did before)? or he is not interested in me anymore? plz tell me how to deal with him plzzzzzzzzzzzzzz hint: i do trust him and um sure that there is no other girl in his life :) thank you for ur care ! july 24, 2011, 9:19 pm sindy flore my spouse and i unquestionably need to think much more in that way and find out a few things i can do concerning this. may 9, 2011, 5:17 am tim it sounds like your boyfriend needs to move on. if his feeling have hanged then maybe the person he needs to be honest with….is his own self. he needs to realize that the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. that means if you were dishonest in the past you will be in the future. it appears he is just allowing you to hang around because you are the better of the two evils…….with the other being just being single and dating. he seems to be preferring the “known” quantity of “you” and your dishonesty to the “unknown” of the dating world. he ore than likely is trying to find your replacement before he send you on your way. the problem is this could last for years, which is a huge waste of time for both of you. you an not have good communication in the bedroom if you do not have good communication outside of the bedroom. when he stopped trusting your words he also stopped trusting your “unspoken” words. men need to feel safe just as much if not more as female do to facilitate their sexuality. it appears he does not feel too safe with you any longer. march 16, 2011, 8:42 am sera i have the same problem, but the thing is -> i need my orgasms.. i’m a girl, living together with my boyfriend for about two years now, love him to bits even though we have had lots of troubles in the past, our love is still very strong. but we sleep together in the same bed, and i’m so turned on sometimes and want to touch him and then he will often turn me down because he wants to sleep. for me, having sex is the ultimate sleeping medicine, when i cannot sleep i masturbate. we sleep together in one bed, and it’s so weird for me to go and masturbate when he’s lying next to me. it is so crappy. i am sad because we have so little sex. once a month, or every three weeks. i have a very high desire, i would like to at least have sex a few times a week. it makes me so sad that i am young (in my 20’s !) and not sexually fulfilled, and i’m making him feel bad about it too. december 20, 2010, 10:10 pm lily_bashir hey sera.. boys are really twisted creatures :) i know we also but i think that if u just ignore him and wear a sexy thing and just lie on bed and ask him to turn off the light as u want to sleep .. it is gonna work !! and if he ask u to sex u should say no. at this time, he will feel that he wants you more than any other time and that’s bec. you rejected him.. and maybe that is the same reason to u that u want him so hard bec. he rejects u !! (((((((((((((what is hard to get .. is hard to lose !!))))))))))))) in the opposite side (easy come easy go) july 24, 2011, 9:29 pm :] i seriously have the exact same problem as you, two years, love each other, had a few problems in the past etc. i finally got my boyfriend to admit that he’s stressed about school and how fast the future is coming at him, and i helped him feel a little better about that but he’s still stressed and his libido is super low. i’m always the initiator and most of the time i get turned down with excuses of being tired or just not in the mood, but i know it’s not personal so i’m currently just trying to subtly make him feel better about school and work and wait it out. i try to “take care of myself” when he’s not around since it’s embarassing. and my god it’s really hard waiting on him. especially since his school program is two years and he may feel this way until he graduates and gets a secure comfortable job, but he’s the perfect guy in every way so i’m just toughing it out i guess..i know your post is from a while ago and i’m just wondering if things eventually picked up for you? october 29, 2011, 1:48 pm tim it has been some time since the original post, however i felt the need to put in my perspective regardless. if any women out there consider what facilitates orgasm for them they may come down to a few basic needs. a feeling of safety and relaxation would be two of the big ones. now if it is easy for a female to tell us what makes her orgasms possible is it possible for them to understand that men are truly no different. and also, why is it that females just simply can not get it thru their heads that it is not them that is no longer attractive or failing in stimulating him. why is it that women keep saying they want more than sex but then when sex becomes less frequent or stops then suddenly all the other things they said they wanted seem to become drastically not important? i know more married women who are with husbands that are pretty worthless, and are none of the things women keep saying they want…. and yet when i ask… “then why are you still there??” they will say “well he has sex with me on a regular basis” so seriously…..i mean….seriously. november 7, 2010, 8:32 pm goalie you, sir…..totally missed the point….i understand what you are saying, however, you totally missed the point. june 17, 2011, 1:11 pm eva the reason this is such a problem is partially because men cheat so often. it might not even be the same man, but almost every woman who’s dated around a lot knows from experience that when a guy suddenly stops being as into sex, it could be a sign it’s because he’s getting it somewhere else. even if he’s not cheating, if a man loses interest in sex with you, how do you know that some other woman can’t help him find the spark again? men’s brains are hardwired to experience a stronger honeymoon phase than women’s, and to be able to have sex with a new partner even if they should be exhausted. it’s called the coolidge effect. knowing that, it can be really hard to not have sex with a man when everything else seems fine. not just because you miss having sex, but because he doesn’t seem to miss it and there’s a chance he’ll leave. guys exacerbate this problem by still being able to look at porn when they’re too stressed out to have sex because they don’t think of porn in the same way. even if a woman knows that, the porn is still of other women. it’s sending a really strong message that either he wants another woman, or, if he tries to explain that masturbation is less stressful, he’s saying “it’s too stressful to have sex with you.” which is not a stroke to anyone’s ego. december 9, 2011, 12:59 pm eric charles eva, . some of what you’re saying is worth discussion and examination, but overall it’s a cynical, pessimistic and inaccurate view that’s currently being spread around as “scientific”. . please don’t take any of that as directed at you personally, i promise, it’s not. let me explain… . there are certain biological truths that are what they are. however, there is a lot of room for *interpretation*. . the interpretation that you’re advocating in your post kind of spells out doom for any relationship with a man. it’s not the case and fills a woman’s head with fear instead of relief and empowerment. it basically says, “biology is stacked against you and cheating is inevitable.” totally inaccurate. . yes it is possible that a man could lose interest in sex because he’s cheating. but often not the case (despite media imagery and certain heavily slanted “scientific” article’s depictions). . this is what i do for a living, so believe me, i’ve read all the science on it. . the truth is, if a guys going to cheat, it can always be traced back to core and fundamental flaws in the relationship – core needs not being addressed or possibly even noticed on both sides. . sometimes a relationship is flawed from the get-go and cheating will happen. not because biology is stacked against every women, but simply because the relationship (or the man himself) lacks the self-knowledge to recognize where his needs aren’t being met. . currently, sabs and i are pulling up some studies that show how when a man feels like he’s “losing” at life, his testosterone drops which in turn drops his sex drive / labido. . it’s not because he’s cheating… it’s because (from an evolutionary / biological standpoint) he feels like a bottom-rung male on the social ladder. men feel like the man (filled with testosterone) when they feel like the winner. and the opposite when they feel like a loser. . there was an episode of sex and the city (not that i personally watched the show, but enough of my girlfriends did to watch it by proxy), where samantha was dating a sports fanatic. when his team won, they’d have great sex. when his team lost, he wouldn’t have any interest in sex. . it’s an amusing depiction, but accurate too: when men feel like they won, their testosterone shoots up. and the crazy part is that feeling like a winner is determined by his attitude, perspective and interpretation of events. . my point in all of this is that pointing to cheating is not the answer. pointing to relationship issues that lead to cheating is far more helpful – men don’t want to cheat, if they’re doing it, it’s because it’s a last resort and they felt it was the only way to fill the unfilled need. . i don’t care what today’s biological zeitgeist is – it will be completely different in 10 years. i don’t care what the media is showing either… don’t even get me started there. . hope that clarifies and helps… things aren’t as bad as certain inaccurate, skewed and sensationalized junk science depicts them as. it’s just to sell books and newspapers – it’s garbage transmitted through fancy vocabulary and scientific terms. december 9, 2011, 1:56 pm teresa hi eric! my boyfriend and i have known each other for a long time before we dated. he’s a great guy. we started to date seriously january 2011. he had some life issues then, i helped him out a bit till he got back on his feet. may 2011 we moved in together. everything was fine and sex was great! eight months later, sex started to wane. i’ve talked to him about it and he assured me he’s not cheating. he confessed this has happened with his previous relationships. after a few months e is just not interested in sex anymore and became happy with small things like hugging, kissing and snuggling. he’s a real sensitive and caring guy. we kiss, hug and snuggle all the time. but sex is getting so infrequent that i am on porn all the time. he knows about this and feels less of a man because he can’t satisfy me. or cant do sex as often asi need to. i do the initiation most of the time. it’s getting boring. he’s been to the doctor and everything is fine. he’s athletically built and works out 3-4x a week. he’s 36 and all seem working fine except the sex drive. what do i do? september 24, 2012, 1:38 am verna i am going through something smilar. he loss his job a month ago and we have gone from daily contact and twice weekly getting together to just 3 phone call in 3 weeks and no contact. admittedly we both traveled in the last month. but there is no effort on his part to get together. he did tell me at the onset that he cared for me but the impact of the job loss was affecting everything and we would not be the same until it was resolved. august 29, 2010, 10:25 pm cy i’m so happy i found this site, i’ve been with him for almost 8 years now. we just broke up few days ago. it’s heart broken, never felt so pain before. i didn’t actually know what he’s really thinking until i’ve read few of the stories here. after i moved out from the house, we misses each other like crazy, both of us didn’t eat well, didn’t sleep well. he didn’t have a proper career for the past 6 years. he’d tried to worked so hard, but luck just wasn’t there. he used to provide everything for me. and since his career went downhill, i’ve became a provider for the past 3 years. i’m always there to spiritual support him, encourage him, but we both so stressed and unhappy, we started have sex lesser, spend time together lesser. everyone ask when is our wedding day. you see, not just money, stresses, wedding, sex, every little thing adds up. i wasn’t very happy with our relationship because i was really stressed out but i hang on there. as i think he can sees what killing our relationship, so he thought through and dropped a big bomb, asked me to move out, he said he’s confuse, he not sure his love for me as a lover or family anymore, he thinks our spark gone, because we been living together for so long. here’s his profile, he’s 37, just found a potential job a month ago, doesn’t have any properties, zero money in the bank. he’s kiwi, living in malaysia and i’m malaysian. he always tell me he hang on in malaysia because of me. i’m truly believe he is a proper guy for all these while. when he tried to break up with me, he told me when he sees other woman he’s horny, he doesn’t loves me as his lover blah blah blah….. after few days, he seems a little nicer to me, he said he’s so stress, he cant commit to me, he doesn’t have money, he tried to protect me so been apart is what best for us now. he’s miss me, he has feeling for me. ask me to be strong, he cares about me a lots. when i don’t expect him to call, he calls. i’ve become so insane and i cant help myself to message him to say i love him, miss him, all these making me so obsess so crazy,it actually scares me, i’m totally devastated but having hope at the same times. i’m totally week and getting insane…..i know all i can do is just wait, give him space. but by waiting i cant help myself having hope, at the same time i’m not sure what he would decide, i wont be able to handle another heartache from him, i would go psycho…..what should i do…… march 4, 2010, 4:01 am asa thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this, and for your knowledge in this area. have gone through a couple of other posts, and they’re all so insightful. your advice could not be any more timely. february 25, 2010, 12:22 am cj fal this article was helpful. i’m 21 and my fiance is 22. we already have a 2 year old together and i’ve been feeling like he isn’t interested in me, but after reading this i feel a little better. he has been laid off for about a year now and now that i think about it, these issues started when he got laid off. i just don’t know what to do. i hope that he can work it out and that we can start planning a wedding soon. i would hate to become a single mother, especially when i am so madly in love with him. january 28, 2010, 5:12 pm paula s great article! it’s difficult for women to feel rejected (especially when it comes to sex) because we assume guys always want it. but it’s good to have a reminder that they have their ups and downs just like we do. if the rest of the relationship is good and strong i agree that a little bit of patience and understanding in this situation is just what the doctor ordered. december 15, 2009, 10:19 pm pilar thanks so much for this article. it is nice to hear from someone besides my man that this might indeed be normal behavior. when we first met we went at it like bunnies, but things took a dive after a few months. (being unaware of his outside problems, i half-jokingly suspected he might be gay or cheating!) now we’ve been together for a couple years, and i understand the sources of the problem. it hasn’t gotten better, though. how long do you think a woman should wait? i have a healthy sex drive, and although i’ve gotten better about not taking his reduced libido so personally, sometimes i miss being able to have sex more than once a month (if that). it especially drives me nuts when all my friends whine at me about how much their boyfriends/husbands “bug them” for sex! i can’t bring myself to share my problem with anyone. it is very isolating. december 15, 2009, 9:40 pm eric charles hey ellen, there was a study about the effect of job loss on men versus women – even when controlling for men and women of equal aspirations, men took job loss a lot harder than women. i wish i had a link to the study… my guess is that it has to do with how men view their worth and sexuality as something they earn through achievement, so when their job takes a hit it’s like a loss of sexual power and worth. as for your question about reaching your guy at that level sexually, i would say definitely yes it’s possible. definitely helps that you’re interested in stepping up – that’s half the battle i believe. that’s an area that goes beyond where i would cover on this website though – i know there are great books on subject that are probably worth checking out. i wouldn’t worry about it though – if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it… if things seem good, they probably are. december 15, 2009, 6:46 pm